First, and without sounding too weepy, this site has been the greatest source of inspiration, determination and honesty for me. I feel like I've made some good friends who genuinely care for each other. Thank you all for being here, even though we'd probably rather not be here.
25yearsmlc:I didn't see your last post to my original thread until today; thanks for checking in. It's interesting that you mentioned sharing a laugh, maybe a little flirting...one of the strong parts of our M was our ability to make each other laugh so hard we'd cry. It hasn't been until just this week that W actually laughed at something I said to her; she has been so serious about her life lately. And yesterday she commented that I looked good. I don't remember the last time I heard that from her.
I'm careful to not take those little instances and turn them into something they are not, but at least the mood in our home is lifting.
This morning I received a terse text asking if I had given SS21 his morning meds before I left for work. I wasn't able to respond promptly (in a meeting with a client), and so received a 2nd text within a few minutes demanding I respond. Old Telemark would have fired back with a text or phone call stating that I was not the live-in nanny and not at her beck and call. New Telemark called, apologized for the mix-up, assured W that everything was OK and suggested she call next time if it was urgent and I would be sure to respond promptly. Her mood defused immediately, and I felt good about maintaining my cool.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Thanks. Unfortunately I am now at work and missing the warmth, love and connection my W and I used to share. It's tough being in the same house; she is so close but so distant. It's been 3 months since we have shared a hug, a kiss, any kind of tenderness...and while the overall mood in the house is better, there is still that impenetrable wall between us. I often wonder if it will ever get any better, and how long am I willing to put up with this platonic "marriage"?
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
JTB, yes, it is, and of course I look at that as a positive. Our attitudes toward each other are much better than 3 months ago. But that can be a double-edged sword; I'm grateful for the improved communication, and yet discouraged that we treat each other as acquaintances.
I'm learning to be patient and not push W into talks about R's, our M, the future...sometimes I slip, but generally I'm playing by the rules.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Slow improvements over time are the ones I'd generally trust.
Using the recent past as a clue one might say, and I did with my situation, that the future would improve based upon my actions and ability to suck-it up (be patient) and consistent.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Telemark, it's a double-edged with your W still being there. Her emotions and the drama are constantly in your face when she's there. You are always around her and it's harder to sustainthe game face. OTOH, she is also constantly able to see the positive changes you've been making. I think you have a better gauge on what's going on.
jbnati, you're right...and if I had to choose between her staying or us being physically separated, I'm glad we are still "together". And I think it forces me to be even more sincere and consistent with my self-improvements.
How are you holding up?
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
