OK gang.... I NEED a little advise...........Having a really really hard time right now with hubby Remember me the one with all the advise.....Im getting really really tired dealing with this man that I love with all my heart...
He's been getting lost in the bottle again. My workaholic, alcoholic. I'm using everything i learned in alanon right now.
Ive given him two strong warnings ( when he was sober ) in regards to the way I was feeling, I didn't bottle it in this time I spoke with my heart that I needed more help with our busy business life...that I was getting exhausted again!! Feeling old, ugly, and worthless...... this is NOT me.
I'm at a lost for words right now Do I give that third warning.....I dont want to be walk away again. In fact I WON"T this time.
I have changed so much.......I don't say things in anger anymore, I don't argue with him when he's drunk, I'm not vindictive, but once again 4 years after reconciling......I'm NOT happy
I know alot of you dont know the long history that we have.. the closest that Ive come to explain US was on Denver site.........
I'm in full blown tears right now I JUST wanna go fishing....I'm not young anymore. Theres got to be more to life than this merry - go - round I'm tired of the one that holds all this together Please someone respond to me?
One thing I've learned from the people here is that we need to have boundaries for our own mental health. We need to be able to enforce those boundaries also, otherwise they are meaningless words.
It sounds like you've given your H your boundaries and he has crossed them. You say you don't want to be a WAW again. I think there's a subtle distinction between walking away and standing for yourself. WAW (from what I can tell) are in a fog and are running from themselves. Standing, you are clear with what you need and willing to do what you feel is right, despite the pain it will cause.
I'm not saying to leave, but I am saying to look inside yourself and ask yourself what you want and if your current path will take you there.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Sunny...it sounds to me like you are torn between saving your M and moving on. I think you're the only one that can decide what you want to do...I don't think anyone here can decide that for you. You say you don't want to be a WAW...what would he do if you did?
BITS M: 35 W: 35 T14, M11 D9, S6 ILYBINILY: June 09 Unofficially Separated (long distance): 1/2/11 W came home: 3/17/11 EE: July 2012 Dropped the rope: Oct 2012 Piecing: April 2013 Not piecing: April 2014 Stuck.
You know you cannot control him. When he's drinking he really isn't in control of himself. Do what you need to do to protect and maintain yourself.
In my distorted LBS view a WAS is running away, as LP posted mostly from themselves, into their own private he!!. IMO what you're describing is standing for your principles. Stay safe.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
My problem right now is that I'm exhausted again...We own Three business together.... two combined and our Campgrounds. Which is starting to boom Finally after 21 years.........he works his arse off at all three business We both do! But.....he feels like he can and does sit back at the camp and drinks....heavily ( Tea Kill ya )....home made wine and just gets stupid falling down drunk...This pattern is exculating again.....
I know my boundaries... but when he is drunk he doen't know his. I usually leave the camp and come home ( to our house ) I won't be a part of it, I wont listen to the conversations.
I was a WAW.....literally pushed out of MY house in 2007. I will never leave again. I dont want this to come down to what we went thru in 2007. There is no OP's involved...... We are not hurtig $ wise.......He can be such a sweatheart when he wants to be....or a drunken ass.
I'm angry and tired its' a really bad combo for me I do not give Idle threats.......
But .... ??
any ideas you guys........
1. Get back into my alanon program 2. Let him swirl in his brew 3. ?
Just.......no he is the alcoholic in my life I was the one that was active in alanon 1996 to 2003 He Went to Court ordered AA in 1996.rehab..jail has a very long History of drunk driving charges 5 felonies in 96, 18 grand in lawyer fees......etc. One more and he will go to prison Stae of Mi is getting tough on DIU"s ( AND good for them)
I was raised in a family of alcoholics, became the CARE TAKER and dealing with my eldest bro right now that just came really close to suicide. VA rehab...homeless blah blah blah and he's back to drinking
Like I said Im just tired of this [censored]
OK the saying goes.....I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired
And............the defintion of insanity......ya U all know it when will I learn it?
jess GRRRRRRR
I guess I'm just venting......... I need a girls night out BAD Thanks for listening
Just.......no he is the alcoholic in my life I was the one that was active in alanon 1996 to 2003 He Went to Court ordered AA in 1996.rehab..jail has a very long History of drunk driving charges 5 felonies in 96, 18 grand in lawyer fees......etc. One more and he will go to prison Stae of Mi is getting tough on DIU"s ( AND good for them)
I was raised in a family of alcoholics, became the CARE TAKER and dealing with my eldest bro right now that just came really close to suicide. VA rehab...homeless blah blah blah and he's back to drinking
Like I said Im just tired of this [censored]
OK the saying goes.....I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired
And............the defintion of insanity......ya U all know it when will I learn it?
jess GRRRRRRR
I guess I'm just venting......... I need a girls night out BAD Thanks for listening
Cindy - sorry to hear about all this. This is tough. I don't have my DR book with me right now, but I am thinking the chapter on dealing with a depressed spouse may apply here - or at least there may be parallels. Clearly, your H needs help. It's a question, though, on who convinces him he needs help. There is also a section in the chapter regarding GAL'ing as one of the techniques.
Thanks JB for responding... I guess I'm gonna have to dig deep on this...and get MY DR book back from a friend i loaned it too.
I defiantly think there may be parallels here..depression and the drinking....His Dad died a long painful death in 99 from cancer. He was the one that kept that family balanced. esp. hubby when he can't cope with life.
