I am still being monitored...not sure how long this goes on for...
Anyway-two more calls from my H, asking for me to change my work schedule if possible for him to give tennis lessons. I told him (text message)to contact the babysitter and make arrangements. And who do you think he is expecting to pay the babysitter????
It isn't permanent, and it isn't a specific amt of time or # of posts. It's a good posting history recommended by the moderators, and approved by the administrator. Hang in there. I apologize for the inconvenience, no one likes it, including moderators/administrators, but it's necessary at this time.
Wow-you made me laugh. He DID compare me to his cool Australian mother when we first started dating-and she did not like me! Thanks to you for your love and support. I think it is one of the reasons that I shopped in secret-low self esteem and knowing that there were certain things that he felt were unnecessary (nails, haircuts, etc). Now that I am on a budget I know that some of the stuff could have been cut (and will need to be) but the fact that I didn't feel comfortable enough with him to be open about it speaks volumes.
I actually went to my neighbor tonight (an attorney) to look through initial paperwork. It made me so sad. She kept shaking her head and saying he was an idiot....that he had things so good. I still have to fill out the rest of the paperwork but I am hoping to finish it this weekend and to sit and pray about it. How much time is enough?
AA35, you are an amazing woman yourself and you make me feel like superwoman-thanks again for your love and support. Now what can we do for you? I think you need some help yourself and whatever advice I can give you (and this board) we will be happy to provide. Your partner will get his own reality check-the grass is not greener and you just need to focus on you and not keep looking back. If I could give you an advice-AVOID THE TEMPERATURE CHECKS. Everytime H and I made some progress or could talk calmly, I imagined that we were making baby steps toward reconciliation. And then-slam-next day it was like it never happened or, as others can attest to on this page, H was slightly mean pushing buttons to test the waters so to speak to validate his decision to walk.
BTW-his mother completely supports his departure of this family. Hard to fathom. Thank goodness for the love and support of this family!!!!
Hang in there girlie-post to me anytime you need something!
Thank you Shannon for your advice. I hate to hijack your thread but I wanted to let you know that I think that is a great idea (avoiding temperature checks) and after today, I can't handle much more communication from him - let alone me instigating any temperature checks. (Now psychologically, all I think about is his temperature, I have to learn to think about me instead.) But I'm just not up for much more.
Yes, I wish someday he would see that the grass isn't greener with OW and that I gave him all I had. But you know what they say: sometimes the grass in greener because there is more bullsh** over there.
Me: 35 Him: 43 Together: 19 1/2 years 1st Bomb (IDLYAM): March 2011 2nd Bomb (OW): April 2011 He abandons home/bills/everything: May 2011 He's bought a new house for OW: September 2011
My husband (either MLC or WAH)left me in December 2010 (you can see previous thread, Australian husband WAW or MLC?) and I could really use some advice. I have had to have three or four R talks to address financial issues (I have been thre breadwinner in our family and one of the main reasons that he left were due to some financial issues we have had) because he still feels that I should support him.
I started doing DR/DB in December 2010 and have a lot to show for it-55 lbs weight loss since last July, joined a soccer league in February in Atlanta, have become a better mother, more PMA, better financial manager (just completed Dave Ramsey program) and have made a point not to shout out my changes or plead. However-last R talk was three weeks ago. He is planning on renewing his lease as of July 5th. He admits that my changes are mind blowing but does not want to take the chance of moving home and sleeping on the couch hoping that these changes are for real. However, he does not want to file for D "right now" and hopes that if we do moce forward with it, that I will not retaliate to not getting what I want (him moving home) by hiring an attorney so that this gets ugly.
I think there is another woman and I think that is why I am making so little progress. I have gone completely dark and other than child exchange, I do not initiate any contact. He is the one initiating contact now and calls over silly things but I don't know what else to do. I am still working on fitness, I am happy now, reaching out to friends and talking about things other than my H but because of our finances (I am supporting all of the things he left behind-house, kids, babysitters, etc-and now he wants a "little bit of support") that I am almost ready to pull the big LRT and file for divorce right now. It is not out of anger-I am so detached right now that I am scared. My kids are 3 and 1, I am still working a full time job and although our conversations are light and good during child exchange (and I caught him checking me out last weekend before I left for Chicago) we don't seem to be making any progress.
Any advice from anyone??? I don't know what more to do other than to focus on me and the kids (no change there). In 6 months, shouldn't I be seeing other things? Am I kidding myself that this is really working???
Could really use some help-I am running out of ideas.
He is moving to another apartment-two bedroom now-saying that he can take care of the kids more. This was supposed to be temporary. And now-well, the only way I even found out was that he wanted some old information to confirm his credit! How crazy is that?
Hey anyone, not sure how to get some input on my situation but it would be very much appreciated. Husband is moving to a new apartment (just got a new apartment-2 bedroom) and was vague about giving me details. And he flipped yesterday when I told him that his car payment was his.....
The boundaries have made him angrier (fiancial) and he is beginning to make threats such as using an attorney if I am not more "cooperative". What do I do???
I am so sorry to check on your sitch and see that it is still what it is...
I wish I had advice, but I'm the LAST person you'd ever want advice from. Just know that my heart goes out to you. When my Ex-P(artner) was in the "moving out" phase he was incredibly secretive/hostile so I understand the 'vagueness about details' routine that your H is pulling. Of course, my Ex-P was/is going strong with OW. Still, its so hurtful to be treated like a hostile enemy when you've done nothing but be a friend.
They act like teenagers: desperate for privacy, resentful of boundaries and reminders of responsibility, and full of an inflated sense of entitlement.
Just a note: LRT and filing for divorce are not synonymous. You can implement the LRT to protect yourself (emotionally) without filing for divorce. Do you want a divorce? I know that six months feels like an eternity, but many here have been at it for longer before seeing even small changes.
By the way, I bet you look great and that your H is not the only one noticing the changes you've made. I would give a zillion dollars to think that my Ex-P was 'checking me out.' However, while lots of other guys are (icky and unwanted) - he's not one of them!
Me: 35 Him: 43 Together: 19 1/2 years 1st Bomb (IDLYAM): March 2011 2nd Bomb (OW): April 2011 He abandons home/bills/everything: May 2011 He's bought a new house for OW: September 2011
