Time to start a new thread. For those interested in my long winded stories, feel free to catch up. If not, I could always use guidance from this great community. Thanks for checking in!
W had an 11 month EA/PA with a new GF of hers. It began when W was three months pregnant with our first child. I discovered PA in January 2011 and W made no contact promise with OW. W moved in with her brother for a month and got her own apartment down the street a few months ago. We split custody of our 9 month old 50/50. W and I are on somewhat friendly terms. W is in self discovery. W needs to discover her sexual orientation and needs. If so, we will end up in divorce. If not, we will determine if our marriage can be reconciled. Very long road ahead, but I will remain patient. Yep. That's about it.
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
Today is our 3rd wedding anniversary. Its been a pretty rough morning for me.
W has her last in-service work day at school before her summer begins. Since school daycare was already finished, I agreed to take off work today and take care of our S.
She came by to drop him off at 7 am. After talking briefly about some logistical matters, I gave her a cup of coffee for the road. As she was about to walk out, I told her Happy Anniversary. She gave me a hug. I told her that as difficult as times are now, I still have wonderful memories of this day. She agreed and then left.
I am blessed to have an amazing little boy and get to spend this day and evening him. However, I am still having a pretty emotional time right now.
Any words of advice from those that have gone through this?
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
It's tough Sparks (sorry I haven't checked in for a while).
W and I had a trip to Key West planned for our 4th anniversary last fall. Planned in the spring before everything went downhill. In the end, we still went on the trip (barely), mainly as friends. No real gift giving or acknowledgment, though, other than a generic card from me.
I guess what I'm saying is make the best of your day. Focus on the good memories you've had. It's an important day, but it's only a day.
Who knows, maybe *your* 4th anniversary will be a great one! Have some bar recommendations in Key West if you need them
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
The more you bring up the anniversary with W, the more she will focus on how the anniversary is not what it should be, how the marriage is not what she wants, how disappointed she is in how things turned out.
Do NOT (sorry LP) get some "generic" lame anniversary card. It highlights the sad state of your marriage, is a desperate sign of pursuit, and a sign of lack of respect for your W's own position. It is not productive.
My advice is to try to have no further contact with W today and to do nothing further about the anniversary. Make plans with a friend, go to the gym, avoid W.
Sparks I agree that no further contact is necessary. My anniversary was a little more than a month ago. I had a multi tiered approach where things would get more elaborate depending on how she took things. I started with some small gifts based on things she mentioned she liked before.
She was very grateful that I remembered, but at the same time said: I thought our anniversary was 5 days ago and you forgot. Which I know it's not true seeing how much she is a stickler for remembering dates.
Either way I think WAW don't want to be reminded of all the pain they have caused, and would rather the day go unmarked. At the same time I think most of them would get offended if you didnt remember either. What is it with women and damned if you don't damned if you do.
Either way the minimalist approach is the way to go. You have done enough for today.
LP - Thanks for checking in. I would do anything to be in Key West right now drinking away the day on the beach.
oldtimer/gb90 - I completely agree with that approach. My plan was to acknowledge the day by telling her "Happy Anniversary" in a casual manner when she dropped off our son this morning. Nothing sappy. No gifts. I will have my son all day today and this evening. I will not see my W again until tomorrow morning. I do not plan on making any other contact with her for the rest of the day.
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
I wonder how to handle anniversaries as well. My H & I have one at the end of June, and I'll take the advice of people here and not make a fuss about it.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
Day has been getting better, as I have enjoyed my day with my S. Word also got around my family that I was down, so I have had phone calls from my parents and five siblings today. That was nice support.
I have also stayed strong not to try and contact my W. Seven and half more hours to go.
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
