Don't know what I want

[Tomtom]

Since I started Dbing about a month ago I really feel that I have gotten my head straight. Before, I panicked at the thought of being left by my W. Now, as I am GAL, I don't really know what I want anymore. I'm not so sure that I want to stay married to this woman who is still my wife and mother of my child.

I think that my hesitation mostly comes from the fact that she has not taken responsibility for her part in this crisis. I have apologized for my wrongdoings, and the list is long. But I'm starting to realize that I'm not the only one to blame. I'm mostly concerned about her probable EA, which she still denies. Even if she is right about not having an affair, I don't think she has behaved properly and she is still spending a lot of time with OM. I have plenty of reasons for being jealous and she has not accepted or confirmed my feelings in any way.

There is another major concern that also makes me hesitant, but I won't bother this community with it right now. I'm just curious if this hesitation is a normal phase that I just have to go through? I haven't read so much about it from other members in this forum, but surely I can't be the only one to think this way?

I really want to reconcile with my wife, but in order to do that we have to forgive each other. I want to forgive her, but I can't possibly do it if she doesn't take responsibility for what she has done. I guess I have to give her more time. Our marriage is clearly moving in the right direction and she is even suggesting that we do some common activities, which was unthinkable just a few weeks ago. Should I hope that sometime in the future she accepts her part of this mess instead of only blaming me?