I feel the email wasn't a big deal, you want to admit to your mistakes and it felt right to do so, admitting to your wrong doings is a good step in my opinion, as long as you don't expect him to come back running because you did so.
Quote:
Your husband is not responsible for you or your happiness.
We so not get that, that's why I want you to read "commited"... our culture has us putting our eggs in one basket, looking for our "other half" pinning all our hopes and dreams on one person. When you are asked to back off it doesn't mean to give up... the more you try to keep him the more he wants to leave.. I remember when back then ex left and filed for D... after the initial coniption I got it (sort of) and told him I understood he needed time... that slowed him down and made him think.
The other piece of advice embeded in the above posts is: Plan B - what if he doesnt' come back. I know, you don't want to think about it, but you must, and you know what? you will be able (at a much larger degree) to drop the rope and give him time... might not seem like it but it will give you a sense of freedom and control of yourself... as it said on "Eat, Pray and Love" the only thing you can control is yourself, and if you can't do that, you are in big trouble.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Thanks everyone Donna...Found, I like your suggestion about waiting 24 hours to respond to things, I admit I am too impulsive, and it hasn't helped my cause. 25yearsmlc, You are right that I am driven by fear. It has always been a bit of a problem for me, but since he filed, I really feel panicky. I feel a definite sense of urgency, and a lot of the self control that I had finally developed in this situation, seems to have disappeared. I felt like I had plenty of time for him to see my changes before, but now worry that I don't. Plus, just the steps of the divorce process, make me want to throw up. It's so hard to seem confident when you are heartbroken and on the verge of tears. kml, I like the analogy of the tug of war. I agree that the harder I tug, the more resistance there is. oldtimer, I am confused as to why you feel a straight apology (with no requests or demands) is "controlling" my husband. I just really felt the need to do it. For myself. I spoke to our marriage counselor, and he felt the apology was a good thing. He also said that codependency in a marriage is "as common as oxygen". Everyone does it. But he said, the issues can be ironed out in counseling. My husband is coming by tomorrow to do a couple jobs around the house, and to bring some papers by for the divorce. I have got to stay strong and not let him see how much it hurts. He said that we could go get something to eat, but by the restaurant suggestions, I get the feeling he is trying not to make it seem like a date. I get that, since he wants a divorce, but it hurts so bad for the man I have been with for three decades, to no longer see me as a romantic partner. I miss the way he used to look at me. It literally makes my heart ache. Also, he is definitely getting more work than he was. I prayed for months for him to get contracts, thinking it would relieve his stress and make him feel better about our marriage, but now he is getting contracts and it will help him afford our divorce! And I think it reinforces his thoughts that he is better off without me. Ouch. I really am living a life without him. I am keeping busy with friends, my job, a womens' Bible study and spending time with my kids. My son is home from college for the summer, which is great. The house isn't so lonely. My daughter is in graduate school, and lives about 15 minutes away. So I spend time with both. But nothing I do fills that void in my heart. But I am trying. And I really do try my hardest to make him see a confident, positive woman when he sees and talks to me. But lately, that has been really hard. But I try. I do know that I need to do it so that if (and I am stubborn- I refuse to say WHEN) my husband does divorce me, I will still have the activities and people in my life that I had before. I feel like I am doing a decent job with my external life. It's the incredible hurt inside of me that I am having trouble with. I hurt so badly I can't stand it. I miss my husband so much. But I carry on...
M50 H49 M 27 years D24, S21 Bomb 7/10 SEP 12/10 H files 5/11
Praying Hard for restoration! With God all things are possible!
I am sorry that is how u feel but I feel pretty much the same way. I am waiting for the papers to show up any day now. How ever I am in the same house with my H. But now matter what I do is not good enough for him some how. I know how you feel and I am sorry we are both here trying to work this out.
