Not sure if this is where I should be posting, but here goes. My husband and I have had problems the last several years....In short, lots of arguments, physical/emotional abuse, alcohol, etc.....In 2009, I met someone through work and we started talking, the next thing we were talking daily, texting daily, seeing each other when we travel, he wanted to spend more time, but of course I was married. He is single/divorced.....My husband found out about it in 2010....I came clean with him and told him everything, gave him my passwords to FB email accounts everything and we started MC....My problem is with all thats went on Im not sure I want to be married....Even though Ive explained my feelings and reasons I thought I got involved with someone, he doesnt want to hear it...He says that having an affair is the lowest and Im the one that needs to beg for forgiveness...Any help would be appreciated
lost, I understand the reasoning behind your R/M breakdown. However, these do not excuse an A. Not trying to attack you, just letting you know how most people here are going to react.
My W has been having an EA/brief PA for a year now. This is by far the most painful thing that has ever happened to me. I'm sure your H feels the same way. He is hurting big time.
One book I've found especially helpful is Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. It shows how As develop (yours is a common story) and how they affect everyone involved. It also shows ways of recovering and is written for all the parties involved, BS, WS and OP.
I wish both of you the best of luck. It's a hard road whichever path you take.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
" My problem is that I dont know if I want to be married anymore " ????
Are you trying to save this marriage or not? Can you give us anymore information in regards to the length of your marriage, your ages, kids involved, past problems, etc. so that other DB's can offer advice
Lost, most people here are very pro marriage, even though on some days we all struggle too. That being said, if you are in a situation with physical, emotional, and substance abuse, I urge you to seek individual counseling.
Nothing excuses an affair, ever, but you can find forgiveness and a healthy relationship going forward. But you have some major life issues (forgiving yourself for A, dealing with friends and family who find out, deciding that abuse is not ok, etc), not just relationship issues, that you will have to deal with. You'll have to make a commitment to change yourself, be stronger, happier, and kinder. I wish you all the best on this journey. Divorce Busting is very helpful for stopping the anger cycle and making a decision to change things.
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
Thank you so much for your replies....Have been married 23yrs...together 30....two children 22 and 20....We are in MC, so saving our marraige is what we are trying to do....and yes I have read Not Just Friends, but my husband doesnt seem to interested in what any book has to say...as everyone knows some good days....some bad...I have told him I will not tolerate anymore abuse whether it be emotional or physical....the physical hasnt happened in a few years , but the emotional seemed to be an everyday occurance which really hurts and I have made that known.....MC seems to be helping....had a good session this week....so I guess we will take one day at a time.....the sad part it that we were always best of friends and very compatible in our issues, interests, hobbies etc....so Im hoping we go forward....Again I appreciate everyones POV
Lost, I too had an Affair and just now realizing how much I hurt my W. I can relate to your feelings and wish you the best of luck. My W found out about month ago and is still very angry so some advice I have gotten is if you want to save your M, than remember this is a marathon not sprint. Listen to the people here they are very wise.
Gotta let the dust settle. Too much going on to make any decisions. However, do not let yourself be abused or abuse.
I know making those changes to a M that need to be made is a v. different and v. hard other plane to be on. I guess you need to decide if you want your R and M with H. He does too. Are you going to build it or take it apart? Sigh.... My heart went out to you when you said you used to be best friends.....
Not to change the subject, but
I was trying to respond to ChrisW on his thread and there is no box available to post in. Anyone having the same problem? Sorry Lost, don't mean to hyjek, but following ChrisW brought me here.
M 55 H 58 M 24 T 29 S 22,21, 19 Bomb 4/10 It (A) really isn't about you 11/2013 We all have work to do
The truth will set you free, but it will almost kill you first.
@mynameismz - His thread is locked (you have to start a new thread around 100 posts or the lock it up - better to start a new one and link to the old before that happens so people can follow you). He'll have to start a new one before people can post to him. I'd just keep checking his posts to see if he initiates a new one or mention it to him in your post, if he regularly comments.
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
Had a nice long weekend...Hope everyone else did too....Im taking one day at a time....I am hoping that one day the past and bad times are behind us....and we can become best friends again.....We have both done things that we are not proud of, but I hope we can move on together....I WILL NOT put up with anymore abuse that is a given and he knows that...I told him that he has to work at this as much as I do if its going to work....We shall see what happens from here...
