I just got done reading Trustings thread. I envy her. She's gotten through ALL the bad stuff and has moved on with her life. She has found peace. I pray that one day I will find that in my life. It has been such a long hard road and still I find myself thinking of Ex. Wondering why... why he left me, why he hurt me and our children, why for her. I believe those that say we'll probably never get an explanation, but I still wonder sometimes just the same. My life is good as long as I keep looking forward. But I miss so very much and on occasion I can't help myself from looking back. I don't see or talk to Ex anymore but he is still in my thoughts most of the time.
Was theotherhalf XH44 M44 D19 Married 21years Together 23 Bomb 4/07 OW - MLC Seperated 8/07 DV 6/09 New Day....
I wonder if he's happy, if he regrets, if he thinks of me, if he's well. I wonder how this all happened.
I too have someone that treats me wonderful. He is kind and true. I have never been able to trust someones intentions so completely. And yet I don't think I'll ever feel for a man like I did my Ex. I don't think it is possible. My Ex was my one true love, my best friend, and nothing will ever change that.
It's hard moving on even after 4 years...
Was theotherhalf XH44 M44 D19 Married 21years Together 23 Bomb 4/07 OW - MLC Seperated 8/07 DV 6/09 New Day....
You sound so very sad and confused. Not that we all haven't been there. We all have the same questions and confusions, but the answer is as you stated. We will probably never know. I don't believe the MLC'r himself can give you that answer. Yes, I believe they look back and has painful regrets, yet they are to painful to dwell upon. Happy? Probably as happy as he is capable of being, but that probably isn't saying much.
The other thing I see is that you are spending way too much time in the past. You need to look forward for yourself. Get on with your life as he has with his. In other words, don't let him catch you looking. You sound stuck, and honey that is no place to be. I know it is very hard, but as they say, if you keep doing the same things, you'll keep getting the same results.
Bust out! Do something insanely different. Paint the cat! Whatever it takes. ((HUGS))
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Sweetie, you do sound stuck. And you know the answers you would like are probably never going to come your way.
Quote:
My Ex was my one true love, my best friend, and nothing will ever change that.
Why are you with someone else if you feel this way? I know this sounds harsh. It is something that needs you attention though. Is it out of lonliness, fear, finances? Does he know you feel this way?
You really can get unstuck, if I did, you can. I was stuck for along time. You have to really have the intention to get unstuck and stop looking back. There is nothing for you back there. Doesn't mean there aren't alot of good memories. For now though, stop looking at even those esp so frequently.
What do you think you could do that would help you?
I am sad punkin. At least at times. When I let myself be.
Quote:
don't let him catch you looking
And the only ones I let see me looking back are you here. Everyone else see's a woman starting over. I've picked myself up out of the trenches. I'm going to school full time and working full time. I spend my free time (what little I have) taking care of my cute little house and spending time with BF and D. No one knows my struggles. My life is totally different. I have done ALOT of things I had never done before and continue to do so. On the outside all is well. I'm "faking it till I make it" . I know full well that my M is over. I'm okay with that. But I can't stop my heart and my mind...Everyonce in awhile I have to let myself look back. That's all it is...
Was theotherhalf XH44 M44 D19 Married 21years Together 23 Bomb 4/07 OW - MLC Seperated 8/07 DV 6/09 New Day....
Oooh...a cat painting party!!! I still feel this way because...
Quote:
My Ex was my one true love, my best friend, and nothing will ever change that.
[quote]Why are you with someone else if you feel this way? I know this sounds harsh. It is something that needs you attention though. Is it out of lonliness, fear, finances? Does he know you feel this way?
Because I had to move on. BF is wonderful, I care for him deeply. I'm sure he knows but we've never talked about it. Well not "really". I've often wondered if we should but I know that he won't understand.
Was theotherhalf XH44 M44 D19 Married 21years Together 23 Bomb 4/07 OW - MLC Seperated 8/07 DV 6/09 New Day....
BF was married late in life. He was with his wife for six years and she stepped out and got an OM then took him for all she could get. He farmed before the M and she took half of it all. I don't believe they had the bond that EX and I did. BF hates his EX and thinks I should mine too.
Was theotherhalf XH44 M44 D19 Married 21years Together 23 Bomb 4/07 OW - MLC Seperated 8/07 DV 6/09 New Day....
Don't think I don't have my moments, I do. I understand everything you are feeling. I too believe that I will always love my ex and long for the good part of our relationship BUT, I have let too much of life pass me by waiting for restoration. I have had to accept that he really is not the man I thought he was, midlife crisis or not. I really believe that I was in love with his image of himself, not his true authentic self. He was a fake a fraud.
It took a long time for me to get all the "wonderful times" out of my head and realize that it really is not a normal thing to run away from your family.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
cont. If they do it once, they may do it again. I know I could not live through that. If you read the boards, it happens, a lot. I have not lost hope, I am now just being more honest with myself than before.
Somewhere underneath the Ml'er is a a very damaged soul. He got stuck at some developmental stage and has to relive it to grow, or maybe not. He may forever be that small child who is acting out his fears, disappointments, and shame. You were just that "lucky" one who got caught in his path.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting I agree with you 100%. I too know that I've let waaay too much of life pass me by waiting on his "awakening". I think that even though this site and a couple others and all of the wonderful people here helped me survive all of this. I also believe that I read too many threads that talked about the MLC'r returning... At the time it was encouraging. Now I see it was detrimental. I keep having those "what if" moments. I work really hard at ignoring them, but once in awhile here it is again. Really, I am Really doing well. Like I said earlier. I use this site to spill my thoughts and feelings when I need to let some out. Then it's back to the yellow brick road.... Thanks for being here. TOH
Was theotherhalf XH44 M44 D19 Married 21years Together 23 Bomb 4/07 OW - MLC Seperated 8/07 DV 6/09 New Day....
