At the end is a new beginning

[~¤DG¤~]

"In the beginning, and really for a long time, I wasn't suicidal, but I wanted to literally die. I don't think many people understand what that is like until they go through this. "

This is exactly how I felt a few weeks ago. Thankfully, it has passed (for now).

Your in my thoughts islander, and I completely understand why you need to do this. Check in from time to time, ok?

[ninelives]

Hey Islander : Really glad to see you here again.

I literally teard up when I read your wife's post. My allegience is with you I hope you know that but I am starting to feel bad for your W. I dont excuse what she did by having an A but somebody on this board did remind me that she is human like the rest of us. Sounds like she is reaching out a bit however, it is difficult to ascertain what she REALLY wants. Does she simply want foregiveness where she can try and move on, Does she really regret her decisions and want Islander back down the road?

Your guess is as good as mine. Whatever happen, I know that you are going to be allright and the next R you are in , Whether with your W or somebody else, is going to be a great one.

It was a pleasure getting to know you although unfortunate under these circumstances. I wish you all the best and hope that you can check in from time to time just so we can keep in touch a little.

You are a good person Islander, and if you have it in your heart, read her emails a few times more later on when emotion isnt so prevelant and see if there are things you can understand and possibly forgive.

Take care.

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[Denver_2010]

You take care of yourself Islander. You don't any of us an apology or anything else.

Update us if and when you can.

Take care man.

BITS
Denver

[♪CS♪]

islander, I have to admit, this post concerns me some.

First, your actions are not mirroring your words.

You say:

I no longer want to be married

But your actions are:

I asked W if she would want to go to MC with me

I think you stated before that if this D goes through you would NEVER want to speak to your W again.

Why is that?

Have you forgiven her? Will you ever be able to?

Instead of MC, I think she needs IC. BADLY.

I know alcocholism runs in my family... I started drinking more and hanging out with people to relieve stress

It also sounds like she may be dealing with addiction. I don't remember you ever bringing this up before. Have you known about this?

Whether you are done or not, do you care for this women?

[GAL Man]

Hey islanders, good to hear from you.

Your thread was the very first one I started with, right from the beginning.

I can not add anymore to what had been said, esp by CS

Take care

[islander]

Thanks guys.

Country,

I don't want to be married to my W any more. I asked HR it she wanted to go to MC bc I would, even though I don't want to. We are still married, maybe my feelings would change, but I don't think they would.

As far as alcoholism ruining in her family, she is exaggerating....a lot. And when she says she started drinking more, it was only in he context of hanging out with OM. I pretty much know that everytime she went out, it was to be with him (while I was working mostly...but not always). She definitely does not have any addiction to alcohol, which is why I never brought it up.

I think she says what she says to justify what she did. To be honest, when she says she saw good friends cry every day, it really pi$$es me off. She is talking about OM, and she only knew him for a couple of weeks bf the incident happened. Her good friends....she turned her back on them as much as she did me. I know they did not condone or support her in the A.



9,
I really don't know what is going on with my W, and to tell you the truth, I really don't care. Yes I still think about her. But, I now see myself in the future with some unknown person to me as of now, and not my W. And what gets me, I am looking forward to meeting that person. Does that make sense??

[25yearsmlc]

makes sense and is a dangerous/happy/scary thing'


Please try Retrovaille if she's willing. It helped us go from piecing to restored, and it helped every couple we saw go in a good direction at least.


I replaced the "new guy" photo with my h's again. Maybe that would happen to you.


2 years out, >80% of those who attended Retrovaille are still married. Since only troubled m's were there in the first place, that is pretty darn good.

At least you'll know you tried "everything" and if given a choice, I'd rather stay in the m a bit too long, than end a bit too soon.


Just mo. Good luck, and if you can't, you can't.

[islander]

Thanks 25,

But being that she won't even go to MC with me, I would think that retro is out of the question.

And I do know that it is possible for me to replace that photo of my W again, even though I don't want to at this point. That is why i asked her about MC again. But the thing is, right now I have to put up somebody else's picture. I can't live in that world with my W picture in my life any more.

I don't know what my future holds, but I am not afraid anymore. I am moving forward. It is up to my W what her future holds, what she wants out of life. If she really wanted our M to work, and was willing to put in the real work to save it, I would be there. Bit I would not take her back bc her R ended with the OM, and she did not want to be alone. She would have to be all in for the right reasons, and unfortunately, that is not going to happen at anytime in the near future.

[jbnati]

islander, I am keeping you in my prayers. I am sure there is there is a higher purpose for all this.

You are the new islander now. You are not who you were, you are being remade, you are new.

[ninelives]

Islander:

I am so happy that you are feeling better but TBH with you , I dont think you are done yet with your W. I think that she is on the way to having an epiphany but its going to take a longer time than what you want before she realizes she has made a really bad choice.

I could be wrong ofcourse, but those letters to you and your parents suggest that she does feel regret but doesnt know what to do about it and probably believes that you would never really foregive her.

ONly you know whats best for you Islander but please, be true to yourself. IF you are done, then be done, IF you arent sure, close the door but dont lock it and contiue to GAL.

As always, all the best to you. We have mirrored our sitch so much. I mean we are both living on an island as well. Scary really.

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