That was incredibly harsh for you to condemn the other posters. DavidA has made a decision and it's been an incredible trial for him. Allow him to be happy for a change. It's not being selfish. It's letting his W find out who she is on her own. Likewise he has a right to do the same.
To say that he should continue to stick it out is ridiculous. Especially since she's M to someone else AND having an A.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Please folks, didn't mean to start an altercation. You all have valid points and advice and there comes a time in every relationship when it's just plain time to let go.
I supported my WAS out of Love and the belief she was in MLC and didin't have a clue what she was doing. But after supporting her and helping her get out of that situation she just jumped back in somewhere else I knew it was time to cut my losses no matter how large.
I don't hate her or dislike her in anyway. I am hurt and disappointed things happened the way they did. I almost feel sorry for her, knowing what she gave up and the path she has chosen for her life. She has alienated most of her family relationships as well as most of the few friends she had.
Not my problem anymore. Not looking for her to ever turn around. So there is no more hope. Which is a good thing for me.
I'm sure it won't be long before she will force the sale of the house and leave those of us living here looking for a new place to live. Our 2 youngest children and 1 grandchild are still here with me. One day at a time. I'm tired of worrying about it.
I have to get ready for work, Will check in later, DavidA
You vote with your feet. Divorce final 12/24/2004 I Give Up !
David if you have put up with a MLCer for 7 years your a saint and deserve a medal. That my friend is unconditional love at it's finest. I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out. I agree it will be her loss.
One of the major rules of DBing in MWD's book is that if something isn't working, try something else. Since DavidA "sticking it out" all these years isn't working, all he's doing is trying something else.
When a poster seems, from what they post, wanting to "stick it out", I think many of us offer support for that decision. But if a poster has fought the good fight for years and years on end and sounds ready to disengage from that fight, we also owe it to support him/her in that decision. We were merely validating the choice he said he made already.
It has nothing to do with our own situations and frankly I find it offensive that everyone who offered support to DavidA with what HE needed support for has now been told to revisit their own situations and essentially personally attacked. This has nothing to do with us as we all have different situations. It has only to do with him.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
I suppose trying something else is a way to put it. But I have zero expectations that she will ever come around and see the light. At any rate I hope if it ever does happen that by then I am happily involved with someone else and I won't betray that relationship to go back to her. Obviously I am a faithful spouse. Even when I don't have to be ;-)
I stuck it out a long time. Some say that makes me a little off and in need of professional help. That is their opinion and I respect that. Everyone has an opinion, and believe it or not there are valid points to most everyone’s opinions. I do not take negative comments as criticisms but try to find the wisdom in someone else’s way of thinking.
Obviously we do not all think alike. We do not all have the same intellectual and family backgrounds. What is right for me is wrong for you. But do not condemn me or anyone else if their thinking is contrary to yours. It is merely their perspective on life and that is never wrong because it is unique to you.
However, the person you are going to share your closest relationship with has to be on your same wavelength of thought and acceptance. If not you end up like me. Someone once asked me my definition of cheating. My answer: When you spend more time with someone else other than the one you claim to Love. Hence my signature line which came from 2 years of counseling. "You vote with your feet." In other words you can tell me anything you want but where your feet carry you and you spend the most time is where you want to be.
I could carry on for 10 more paragraphs but I won't. I will be back and will start offering my opinions on other threads. I guess I have seen more than most albeit on the down side.
Peace and Love to all! DavidA
You vote with your feet. Divorce final 12/24/2004 I Give Up !
Time is not the reason. If I could see any possible positive reason that this pattern may be broken I would hang on as I have for the last 8 1/2 years. Obviously to long for a MLC by textbook standards. Thus my reason for pushing the eject button.
I put her in the "rocking chair" and gave her space. I provided everything she could need or want to survive. I made myself accessible physically, emotionally and financially.
We explored new ways to practice our faith and discussed how to propel our children into self support. She never allowed me to get close physically. I tried and was branded a typical sex minded male.
I understand that she has GIANT self esteem issues. I understand that she fears growing old and loosing her beauty and appeal. I understand that I am 8 years her senior and remind her of what she will become.
My values are as such that I would not give up on my wife anymore than I would give up on my parents, siblings, or children. This is why I have stuck in the trenches so long. Family is family, wether by blood or marriage. You don't turn your back on them no matter how bad it gets.... This is my teaching from many sources, thus my belief and how I have tried to live my life.
For these reasons and more I have decided to pull the trigger and sever the relationship. I will not live with an unfaithful partner for any reason... Married or not. Simple enough, time to move on.
Of course this saddens me, of course I may second guess my decesion many times. But in the end I will stay my course and move on. Don't worry about me. I have made my decesion and will stick with it and live with it.
Oh, enough for now ! Happy weekend everyone ;-)
You vote with your feet. Divorce final 12/24/2004 I Give Up !
I have reconnected with her family for many reasons. Her parents have various medical issues and need help in many areas of their lives. We always had a great relationship and I felt crappy ignoring them because of the situation with my X.
I just avoid and redirect when she comes up in conversation. I am only there to help them out.
2 of 3 of her brothers have serious medical issues as well due to injury on the job and accidents. I have yet to make a solid presense in their lives but we are on good terms anyways. They have others with them daily helping them out so they don't really need me other than having a discerning ear now and then.
My XMIL said several times I didn't need to anything. My response was you can't always take. Sometimes you need to give back. That seems to have eased her guilt in accepting my charity.
I will not pretend to be someone I am not ease the concious or my xwaw. If she can't deal with it... To Bad.......
You vote with your feet. Divorce final 12/24/2004 I Give Up !
