I have returned to this site from maybe a two year hiatus. My divorce, painfully, is still going on. We have to sell a home and in the down market she keeps blocking the sale. She won't get any money out of the deal. She continues to demand more money from me. Very nasty. I moved out about a year ago and my life started to turn around but it took a while. I have a kick ass smart lawyer and he doesn’t take any $hit.
Anyway, the point I wanted to make was that I want reach out to those of you out there who are going though all of this stuff at this moment. I still feel D is unnecessary and love is a choice, but you can’t control what your partner wants or their actions. Some of the techniques used here can be perceived as being manipulative, but it manipulates human nature. If you really want to save your marriage that’s what you have to do. Begging and pleading will get you nowhere except in a deeper hole of disrespect. Listen and follow even though it may seem counterintuitive. Read “Love must be Tough” by Dobson and see what happens to spouse who get their marriages back but are still disrespected.
After I moved out she began to drive by my place and pursue me. I think her motivation was to catch me doing something untoward but, all the same, things changed.
To all the guys trying to win back your spouse and who have been wimpy or wussy this is the way to do it. You see this behavior all the time in sitcoms. I was a wuss and I admit it. I was a henpecked husband. A guy named Robx gave me great advice. Go back to my thread and read it. He was spot on. This changed me forever. I’m back to the man I once was. I don’t take anything from anyone anymore especially her.
I remember reading Ready2Change saying now he just picks up his kids and smiles as his ex still looks at him with anger. Back then I couldn't see that happening. Today, I was reminded of that. My soon to be ex demanded money and yelled at me that I had dropped off the kids 15 min late. Maybe in the old days I would say “yes dear” and comply but I did the same thing he did.. I just walked away and smiled all the way to my own house which was peaceful and quiet which the kids didn’t want to leave.
Life is going to go on despite what happens. Just be thankful that you have your health and your kids. Two houses isn’t the ideal and I never thought it would happen to me, but it did. All I can say is I gave it my all and now I can be at peace with that and myself.
I want to thank Deep, Coach, Greek, Ready2Change(great book suggestions!!!) Mindful and many others who were there for me during my most desperate and miserable time.
Peace all and may the divorce b not with you.
Me:49 W: 41 Kids=D14/D14/S10 Married: 15 Together: 16 Bomb: 08/26/09 Currently: separated but in the different houses.
i would love to be able to post what works. glad things are working out for you.
cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is nice to see someone come back and share with us the fact that there is light at the end of the tunnel regardless of where that tunnel takes us. I hope you stick around.
