Well for those that dont know my stich i have been separated since october from my wife of 13 years we have a 11 year old son. I had an affair but since we reconciled she claims i was controlling and jealous and that she didn't feel about me like she should her husband and separated for a second time. I tried for months to get her to go to counseling to try and make it work with no success she still ran with her 20 year old friends wore provocative clothing to the extent my 11 year old son finally said something to me about it. Well i have been paying her house and car payment for six months while i wasn't staying there and giving her money just so she could survive. Well yesterday i decided to use the tough love approach. She has filed for divorce given up custody of our son to me cause she claims im too powerful for her to fight me. Yesterday before our child s ball game which i coach his team i texted her and told her if she came to the recreation center dressed like she did the week prior i would simply walk up to her and ask her to leave that it embarrassed our son and that if she had no more respect for herself than that to just stay away. The Friday night prior i found out she had been riding around drinking with her friends in a car which is in my name. I texted her and told her she just lost the car cause i have warned her the consequence's of her action and that she needed to find a ride home from the recreation center because i was taking the car away from her. When the game was over she started to the car i approached her and demanded the keys and told her i had already warned her and she need to find a ride home. I took the car from her which she started crying about and told her when she thought she could behave like a 35 year old mother we would talk about her getting it back. I feel awful about it but sometimes this is the only way. Hopefully one day she will come out of the fog she is living in and see the error of her ways. Guess im saying if you let the take an inch they will ruin you. Ok yall bash away!!!
Wow. Just wow. Do you have any idea how abusive your actions sound?
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Yesterday before our child s ball game which i coach his team i texted her and told her if she came to the recreation center dressed like she did the week prior i would simply walk up to her and ask her to leave that it embarrassed our son and that if she had no more respect for herself than that to just stay away.
Is she your equal? She IS adult, why does she have to please your sartorial sensibility? Why are you in the middle between her and your son? He should be the one telling her how he feels.
From my POV you're treating her like a teenage delinquent daughter, and yes...controlling.
I am going to post something I posted a while back:
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
scylla i cannot have her riding around in a car in my name drinking and risk her getting into an accident and being sued for everything i have just cause she chooses to act like a delinquent child.
scylla i cannot have her riding around in a car in my name drinking and risk her getting into an accident and being sued for everything i have just cause she chooses to act like a delinquent child.
I understand that. What else could you have done,to experience the natural consequences of drinking and driving? What would you have done for a good buddy/friend?Could you have called the cops?
Did acting like Big Daddy help or hurt you? Did it reinforce her view of you as a controlling and punitive personality?
You sidestepped the meat of my post neatly. Understand, I don't post for me. I have my own fish to fry. I post to help YOU, through my personal experience as a person who was/is accused of being controlling myself!
If your son has told her how he feels, it is still up to her as and adult how she dresses. Now you can choose how your behaviour will be when she shows up inappropriately dressed. Punish her, praise her, ignore her, or accept her and her choices as they are. This is not in your control or his, nor a reflection upon either of you.
Please, keep in mind a pat on the back is only four inches higher that a kick in the rear, and ponder which really works better.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
love hurts i have no idea what she is feeling i do admit my faults and have said im sorry for them. i just dont know she says we arnt good for each other that she doesn't have feelings for me like she should her husband. im not perfect dont claim to be i do love this woman just breaks my heart seeing what she is doing to her life and our children. she just dosnt even act like she cares
It's only over when you choose/decide that. Fact is that because you have a child and are connected that way your relationship will never truly be over. Have you borrowed/bought and read Divorce Remedy? Have you engaged a Divorce Busting counsellor? Maybe there is something else you can try.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
