Hello all, I decided to start a new thread. The old was maxed out. Well we had a pretty good night until bedtime. W got a phone call from her girlfriend. They were talking so loud I did not want to appear or even what her to think I was listening. But it really was unavoidable convo. to hear. I hear the W say "I am doing ok" a few seconds later I hear "I am keeping an open mind". Well I get excited because our MC is coming up tonight and I think she is keeping an open mind about our M. Well the convo ends we go to bed, while lying their I tell her that I am glad she has decided to keep an open mind about saving our M. The W says "are you talking about the phone call?" I say yes, she responds " I was not talking about you, I was talking about which attorney I will probably hire for the D".
I was crushed, I knew I should've said it. It flew out of my mouth before I could stop it. I have been up since 2:30 am, I am anxious and slightly in a panic. This is going to be a long day at work, then MC, has me nervous.
"You should also keep in mind that your spouse may not respond exactly the way you want him/her to when you show remorse. S/he might be sarcastic or withdrawn or even unkind. This doesn't mean that s/he isn't listening to what you're saying..."
1st, don't tell me you'll look into the book. Go get it. Library, used book store, new book store, Amazon. Not for her, for you. She might not like the site, but you're here.
We (collective) have a problem, we tend to hear what we 'hope' to hear. Don't push your 'hope' on her.
Right now? You hurt her...bad. She is paying you back in kind.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
And you really don't know what your W meant when she said that to you. She may have been talking to her freind about one thing, then said something else to you to hurt you, BC SHE IS HURTING. You just don't know.
BITS
M:34 W:28 SD:9 D:6 (pr) M:3 T:6 Separated 1/16/11 ILYBNILWY 10/25/10 PA discovered 11/12/10, began about 10/1/10
I am not who I was, I am being remade, I am new...
Ditto islander. She may have told her friend she is open about the M and you about attorneys. I am sure with all of this her previous problems of you being controlling are popping up. Give her space. Don't say things about what she says to her friends because even if she is loud, it is private. Instead last night you could have said "thank you for letting me stay here with you. I don't deserve it and appreciate I appreciate it." she might have said, yeah you don't deserve it or something worse but then you expressed your thankfulness if what you heard without letting on she was too loud and you heard everything. Always think way ahead before you speak. Another person on here and I always said DBing is like playing chess. You have to always think.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
Thank you all....I never thought that she could just have said that to hurt me. I havent been on in a couple days, we went to MC Friday evening. It didnt go as well as I hoped it would. The counselor basically told the W that she was to angry and if she wasnt interested in counseling than it would be a waste of time for us. I am however going to go to individual counseling to help figure out my feelings and what led up to the A. MC also told the W that trust can be regained and not to rush into the D because it is so final and that seperating if possible would make more sense. But, to give it some time and let the anger go and then see where she is with the M. So, I dont know what to think at this point. Not sure where I am at in this M. She put her wedding band back on yesterday, I am sure that it was because we were at a family function and I didnt react to it in the slightest or ask her about it. I just let it be.
W just left with her sister to go to a college graduation. She left her ring here. Why do I get my hopes up? I really think she is not going to go the MC I know this early on but I just get the feeling that she is going to proceed with the D.
need some advice....how long should I wait to ask the W if she interested in seeing the MC? OR Should I wait for her to come to me? That scares me honestly.....because I dont think she will.
