My husband had a very long affair and I found out a few months ago. He appolgized and seemed very remorsful. We are trying to make it work and I feel like it is getting better for the most part... I feel like we are stronger than we were because we have found a lot of our relationship flaws and fixed them. I do not want to leave him, I love him more than anything and when I think about him not being there (if I leave him or if he leaves me) I am very sad and very scared. He says that he is scared that I will realize at some point that he does not deserve me and I will leave him. Of course, I do not like it when he says this because I feel like he might leave me(I see the craziness in this statement, but that is how I feel). So needless to say we both are having some issues. Among my issues... I cannot stop thinking of the OW(mainly comparing myself to her in everyway possible), the affair or the pain the I felt we he told me he wanted to leave me(long story, but he told me he did not love me any more and he wanted a divorce and then later after I talked him into trying with me again I found out about the A). Some of my harder issues for me to deal with right now are my fear of hotel rooms...yes, the thought of staying in a hotel room terrifies me(due to some of the cercumstances of the affair) and reading books. I used to love to read books, but during the time of his affair I read a lot of books and now I am afraid if I read I will not pay enough attention to my H and he will be unhappy again. I feel like I over anaylize EVERYTHING! I think WAY to much and I do not know how to stop it. I just want this to be over, to be able to move past this. We are having a lot of good times, we both seem happy, but then I get this overwhelming pain from the thoughts of the past or fears of our future. Everytime I tell him how I am feeling he listens to me and trys to comfort me, but what I also see is his sadness and pain and I hate to see him feeling like that. Can anyone tell me of a way that I can move past this? I want to be able to be happy all of the time, to not be afraid he will leave, to be able to trust him blindly again like I did before.
Has anyone been through this and made it to the other side? A success story would be very inspirational right now.
