I'm still here

[islander]

DG, we all know how you feel bc we all feel the someway, just not at the same time. I wish the answer was as easy and painless as it seems to be. On hour tough days like today when you feel like dying inside, that is when you HAVE to force yourself to do something, to be active in some way. It is too easy to sit there feel sorry and do nothing. We are here bc we did nit chose the easy route

[Brian in Hville]

DG...This is how I look at all of this. I made my W miserable for so many years with my actions and behavior. I go back and forth as to what I want...Do I want to be with her...do I just want to let it go...It all comes down to how bad you want that person. For me, I want my W to be with me...I will go through the pain and hurt (what I put her through) for the CHANCE (cause it is just a chance, not a guarentee) that we can work things out someday. How long will I wait?? I don't know. My sitch is different as I will probably be divorced officially by the end of the week. I will have to live life and continue to change for me.

Will things get easier...Sure they will. But there will be ups and downs. I know what I want right now. Will my desires change over time?? I don't know. I suspect they will. But if you still have the fire in you, keep fighting for what you want. That doesn't mean you climb in a hole and wait. Go live life! You are going to miss him. But when you GAL, it's hard to think about it so much. You can do this DG...I believe in you. You ARE a strong woman.

[~¤DG¤~]

Thanks Brian, I really appreciate your comments.
I do want him, and I will fight, sometimes I just feel defeated a little bit.

[~¤DG¤~]

One thing I know about myself is I need to lose the mentality of guarantees.
I always need them and I don't know why, since there really is no such thing in life.

[AloneAt35]

DG, sometimes, for myself at least, being able to say "I'm still here" is a victory. We are still here living and breathing and fighting the good fight. Where there is life there is hope. The only way we lose all hope is if we stop living.

I'm a person who wants guarantees too - hard facts and percentages of success rates. In matters of the heart, we don't get that. But who would want to be a statistic? That never has good connotations.

I miss him to DG, I miss him too. Hang in there; there may not be guarantees, but there is hope.

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling again----

On my way home from work, I talked to God and I asked Him to please make it stop hurting so much. Sometimes I feel like He is punishing me for my actions. I have asked for forgiveness and I am determined to never go back to being that woman ever again, I just don't want it to hurt so much.

I go back and fourth, should I give up? Should I hang in there? What is the right thing to do? Sometimes I think that we'll get through this, and others I think too much damage has been done.

Thank God I have an appt tomorrow with my C, I really need it.

[gypsyriver]

I'm so sorry you're hurting. I, too, wish for a crystal ball. So much.

[Timetotry]

DG,

I believe God isn't punishing us, he is just preparing us for something else or someone we just don't know yet.

Think that when we have hit the bottom, there can only be steps up ahead.

We out on the board are all due the future steps ahead but we just don't know when that fate happens yet.

[Denver_2010]

Hang in there DG. I know that it hurts and that there is nothing that any of us can do to make that better right now. But remember, you WILL be happy again. TIME my friend... Time is the key.

BITS
Denver

[25yearsmlc]

Journaling again----

I wish I had a crystal ball.
I would like a glimpse of what my life will be like 1,5 even 10 years from now.
More than anything, I hope I am happy and healthy, as well as my children.

It would be nice.

DG,

take charge of your life and create the life you want, the inner peace you need and the happiness you deserve, in your future. It's your life, and no one else will assume responsibility for it. What will it look like?