Can I close the door and leave it unlocked?

[punchy]

In my case, it was my lack of responsiveness that was partially to blame for getting me into this situation in the first place. Keep the road home paved smoothly is what I am following now. I know that I get annoyed when my wife doesn't respond to my texts or phone calls, so why we would think that our wives would feel any differently. For now, I am just trying to be a person that she would like to be around.

[islander]

It's not as easy for me. I have always supported my W in whatever she wanted to do, I trusted her and stood by her. Her comment was that I was not affectionate enough with her, did not tell her how beautiful she was enough, and did not talk about my feelings enough with her. Now I can't do those things, all pursuing behavior, she is not receptive to them, and when I did bf the bomb, she said I was smothering her.

So I am stuck with my 180s. Now I can just be the best person that I can be. Her other complaint was that I never wanted to go out and do things. I told her that it wasn't that I didn't want to do things, I didn't want to blow our money...she made more than me and sometimes made comments that I didn't make enough or that my checks were small. They are small after child support.

So, now I have made freinds with several of our neighbors and do stuff with them. She does not get to see this. I don't know that have a lot of hope right now, but I am not giving up.

[jbnati]

Yes, it can be tricky. You make some changes and the pendulum swings the other direction, but you don't want to revert back to where you were.

[♪CS♪]

islander, one thing to remember here.

Make sure you find actions you can be consistent with.

I think you are on the right track.

Do what works.

If it is not working, change course.

But remember.

CONSISTENT change is what is noticed.

[islander]

I know you are right, and I haven't been consistent with the way I have been responding to her. Ignore her for a while, then I respond nicely to her, then get frustrated with my sitch and stop responding again.

This time I will be different, more consistent.

[~¤DG¤~]

Hang in there islander, I know how hard this is.

I'm glad your getting to know your neighbors and getting out more. If anything it helps your spirit.

[islander]

W called me again tonight about the credit card company calling her. I was busy at work and couldn't talk long, so I told her I would call her back.

I called back about 20 minutes later, and she answered the phone while ahe was eating dinner with her coworkers, which most likely included OM. She said she couldn't talk and would call me back.

I am surprised she even answered the phone bc that is something she completely stopped doing bf when ahe was with her coworkers, and would never do it at dinner.

She then text me twice saying tha her supervisor isn't want them answering their phone when they were working, then again saying how he made her look bad the other day for using it, even though it was for work.

I was understanding in my response.

She hasn't called me back yet and that is ok.

I was driving home from work tonight and seriously wondering why I even want to be married to this woman. I still do, but why. After everything she has done to me, none of it deserved. She should be the one trying to get me back, but it is the other way around. Oh well, just venting.

[jbnati]

I was driving home from work tonight and seriously wondering why I even want to be married to this woman. I still do, but why. After everything she has done to me, none of it deserved. She should be the one trying to get me back, but it is the other way around.

Sometimes I don't blame you and I feel the same way. That's when I take a step back and look at the big picture on why I'm doing what I'm doing and why I'm on this message board. There's a myriad of reasons, including being able to look my S in the eye someday and tell him I did everything possible, being able to look myself in the mirror for the same reason, seing shades of the woman I'm still in love with in my W, and doing what God has called me to do.

[NEmoose43]

Islander, I gotta agree with JB on this one. I want to be able to say that I did everything possible to try and save this M, both for myself and for my W...honestly, we've even talked about it during a convo about what marriage meant to us.

Stay strong man, I think what you felt is really part of the process...part of this detachment that we're all trying to maintain. Maybe once we all come to the realization that you did today, maybe that makes it easier for us to stay patient until she DOES realize that she might need to work to get YOU back.

I think that's what we're all hoping for...

[islander]

I am definitely not saying I am detatched or that I don't want to save my M...bc I do. It was just a feeling that came over me while I was driving home from work. I think that it came from a feeling of hopelessnes in my sitch and being tired from work. I know what I want, and that is my family back.

But, I am not disappointed that my W did not call ke back. It really didn't matter either way...maybe a little but of detachment.