OK, so it has been awhile since I have been on the DB site. A couple of years actually. My wife asked me for a divorce a few years ago because she felt I was being to controlling. Well DB really helped me. I still continue it today. The only problem is I screwed up. I had an affair. I admitted to it as soon as she confronted me. Things between us had never been better, she was actually interested in sex again. (somewhat)....she told me last night that she is 99% sure that she wants a divorce but isnt ready to make any kind of drastic moves at this time. She wants to wait and see how she feels about it later. I see this as an chance...or am I just kidding myself. We have 2 young kids, 10 and 8. Any suggestions? I am willing to walk through hell and back to keep this marraige alive, but she doesnt seem so interested now.
My W told me she wanted to take over the bills and have her own cell phone bill. I readily agreed told her I would do anything she needed me to do. I am really scared and not sure what to do. I have been a faithful husband for 15 years and made a serious mistake which I do not intend on repeating. I was just seeking a little affection......I could really use some help. I know most of you will think I am a dirtbag and really no one could make me feel worse than I am already
You are human and not a dirtbag. Cut yourself some slack. Did you continue the affair for long periods of time or was it a one time deal? Regardless, you have to forgive yourself before she can forgive you.
My W had an affair for a year, came back to me and continued her affair but I am now ready to forgive her. I have to if I have any chance of making this work. I LOVE HER, PERIOD.
Now you have to test your resolve. Do you love her enough to forginve yourself and then Divorce bust the best you can.
YOu cant KISS her A$$ but you also cant be a doormat because of your mistake. This is not healthy.
Reread the DR and start to follow those principles.
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Thanks 9, the A lasted 3 weeks. I stopped it and suddenly the OW contacted my W via facebook. My W confronted me about it last night. I just feel like I have to let feel like she has some control over this sitch. I dont want to lose her but when we were married she told me there was only one thing she couldnt forgive...me cheating. Her father did it to her mom and it tore the family in half. Now her parents have passed but she has told her sibblings already and I am sure they hate me. I think I can forgive myself but that has never been easy task for me.
Chris, I am assuming you have cut off all contact with the OW? Your W is going to need a lot assurance. Forgiving yourself is a process. I just went through the process a couple of weeks ago. You may be able to find some stuff on the Internet that may or may not help. I found it somewhat helpful, but in the end I had to find the way to forgive myself.
Yea I have cut all contact with her and the OW confirmed it that with W. I just never thought I would be a position like this, my W made me call my Mom and tell since my W and my Mom are very close. That was pretty hard as well. Now seems like I am on an Island and no one will speak to me.
The good news is the wife has agreed to attend the counseling sessions with me. She doesnt want me to leave the home and wants me to sleep in the same bed. She says that it is to keep things normal for the kids as long as possible. Not sure if it totally that or if just doesnt know what to do.
Chris, hate to see this happening to someone else man, but there are a lot of positives in what you've posted today.
Sleeping in the same bed still, agreeing to attend counseling sessions, not wanting to do anything drastic...Chris, it sounds like she's giving you every opportunity to DB your a&$ off!
Read the other sitches on here as quick as you can...there's so much info on all the mistakes that people have made that have set their M's back. Learn from us man, she's still there and it at least sounds like she's willing to try.
Keep posting and reading. You've come to the right place.
BITS Moose
BITS M: 35 W: 27 T 7.5 years M 5 years No kids My EA: 3/08 Her EA: 1/11, discovered 3/11 (ongoing?) ILYBINILY, D mentioned 3/8/11 W at parents house: 4/16/11
Thanks Moose, I dont want to get over confident cause I know the Roller Coaster ride is still ahead. I worry that a let down is on the way. She called a Dr. to get a blood test because I was stupid. Anyway she told them why. I really wish she wouldnt tell everyone who ask what is going on and what I did. I know that I am only a day or so into this but its not my proudest moment here.I am trying to stay strong and give her space not pushing the issue or telling her that I love her or any of that. I am not being cold either. She is still really upset rightly so.....but I can see it on her face. She wont really look at me. She has told me that she isnt as angry as she is disgusted by me. I dont think that is something I can recover from.
