Hi, My wife and I had been married for 18 months when we separated. I had been texting ex girlfriends and been in chat rooms talking to other women for most of our marriage. When I cofessed it my wife left me. She said that it wouldn't be for long if I got counselling and changed which I did. She started a new stressful job in a school where she met a guy who I guess filled the void that she needed as she confessed to me 5 weeks ago to having an affair with him. So we are still separated and now she is seeing someone else. What makes it harder is that we are both Christian so both have sinned before God. I have repented and turned from what I have done and I pray that she does too. Our Church have put so much pressure on my wife to 'do the right thing' that she has now started going somewhere else. The amount we see each other has got less since she confessed but God has told me to trust in Him and wait. It is now 5 months since we separated. I guess I need to know any advice on how much I should contact my wife etc. I love her and know that she has only done this out of a broken place. I have forgiven her completely and hope that she gets the strength to end the affair soon. She has said that she doesn't want a divorce as she feels that there is still hope and hasn't written off the marriage. She is just very scared that I will go back to my old ways. So far I have got the best reaction out of her by being loving, caring and understanding.
i don't have any advice as i am in the same situation except i'm in your W position, my H messed up, i dropped the rope and i'm now sort of seeing someone else now my H is now fighting for our M and i don't know what to do.
I'm also scared of my H just saying and doing the right things for now but not really changing and i'm now confused as whether to fight for our M or take a chance with the OM?
I'm currently trying to reconnect with my H as for both of us we just can't seem to let go of each other so there is something there. Maybe that's something you could do? just try to be friends at least?
The OM is probably not who she wants but she needs the comfort, i know that's how i feel right now.
It will be interesting to see what advice you get from others especailly the veterans, but you have come to a good site the info and peoples post have been inspirational to me and i hope you get the same comfort and understanding to be able to reach a better place int your sitch.
. I love her and know that she has only done this out of a broken place. I have forgiven her completely and hope that she gets the strength to end the affair soon. She has said that she doesn't want a divorce as she feels that there is still hope and hasn't written off the marriage. She is just very scared that I will go back to my old ways. So far I have got the best reaction out of her by being loving, caring and understanding.
18 months isn't very long to have to deal with that kind of stuff -- I hope you get some counselling and help for yourself, not for her. She may stay, or go. But you'll be with you forever.
In my faith, repentence requires: - Desire to stop (not a guarantee, but genuine) - "Returning/Repaying" what is owed (apologies, undoing harm, erasing contacts as needed) - Asking God for forgiveness.
It isn't the result, but the journey that makes us better. Very sadly, my 5 kids are going to be 2 home kids for sure. The year of struggle against the things that made my marriage toxic and led to the unpretty end left me a better person. I'm still struggling - but it was worth it.
If your wife does come back to you, it will be because she is accepting you as you are and liking that guy. She isn't filling a void to keep her company until you come back, IMO. Discussing what's she's done won't help you learn from your choices. Being the guy you want to be, secure enough you don't need an old girlfriend, would be a good step.
