right now i am RAW a run away spouse, walking no longer seems good enough.
i have tried with my H i have any posts but i can no longer take his abuse anymore
this is the first time i have admitted that this R is abusive and so now i need to run away as far away as possibe from it.
i'm so scared and to think it has come to this over something so simple but doesnt it always
my H told me i'm stupid and pathetic cos i should hav had the thought and told him days ago that he should have put up his phone that he wants to return before he dropped it and wanted to know the exact date i had the thought that he should have reboxed it
i know this probably doesn't make any sense but fr me its just another example of how my H verbally abuses me and puts everything to being my fault and this morning i just couldnt take anymore
after finding out his OW only 3 weeks ago you would think he wouldnt rock the boat but this just shows me that he isnt sorry nor remorseful about the A
right now my focus has to be how to get my H out of the house, this isnt going to be pretty at all
I feel your pain. I know how maddening it can be when my own H insists his wrongdoing is in fact mine... it's confusing.
One thing to keep in mind is that your H may be lashing out at you simply because he does in fact feel bad about himself and what he's done. Some people have to deflect their own wrong doing by making others wrong. Some people have lost the boundaries between themselves and their spouse and take out their own self-loathing on the other. The short version is that his wrong actions are his wrong actions.
You might try Patricia Evans book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond." I've just started it and though just reading the first half makes me grind my teeth, it has also helped me cut myself a little slack for having put up with it as long as I did. A word of advice is that for the time being you shouldn't and don't need to tell him he's an abuser. He won't believe you. He has to figure it out for himself.
It's okay to be angry at him especially when he's verbally abusing you, but do strive to reach a place in your own mind where you know and feel with certainty that whatever he's saying or however he's acting is his responsibility. He's probably going to do everything he can to make you feel responsible for his bull, but you're not. He is responsible for his own anger, pain, actions, opinions, and choices. You can not be responsible for whether or not he's pleased with you or with himself. You're not responsible for making him see reason. You are just responsible for being the best person you can be.
I don't know how rational or unreasonable your H is, so I don't want to make any suggestions on how to get him out of the house. You'll have to start by telling him that he needs to leave... another book "Crucial Conversations" may give you some ideas on how to broach the subject, but I'd read the Patricia Evans book first. Once he knows you want him out there are a few things you can do if he won't leave. If you think it will get violent then you are better off packing the kids (if you have any) and being the one to leave. There's no material possession in the world worth life and limb.
I'm sorry for your situation. I hope that things work out for you. Take care.
