all I can say is trust yourself you have been through this before and sometimes tough love may be more helpful than giving them the time to move gracefully into their new life with us waiting patiently for them to decide
peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Kee, while I hope that you and your husband can find a way to get together and be happy, I think you have to re-think your strategy of constantly letting him back only to bail on you and break your heart again.
You need to build in some incentives and disincentives and put them in writing. And...you need to look at some way of making moving in a gradual process so that you can get a better idea of where things are with him before making a more complete commitment.
I think I have some idea of where your H is at. When he is away from you and not dealing with day-to-day issues, he misses you and feels guilty about hurting you. When you are together, all the old problems that you've never solved are right back again. And, the only answer he seems to have for those problems is to walk out. And, for the most part it seems, walking out hasn't really cost him much.
divorced in 2003 Married in 12/2005 born 1948 wife born 1958 divorced in 2001
Hi, Thanks for your responses. I have re- thought my strategy as well as given him tough love. I have told him that he is not to contact me unless its about something we need to take care of. Therefore, I have not heard from him since Thursday. I am in a crisis mode myself though. We are both from the same state and we moved to Az together. My daughter bought a house for us to rent, my mom died, when we had not even unpacked and he bolted the day I came home from burying her. I have been so depressed, I have no real connections here, so I am trying to figure out what to do, where to go. I cannot afford to live in this home by myself, so I do not know what to do. My family is helping me try to sort through my options. Like how I will get home, where will I work. they are even sending my sister here to stay with me until my contract ends because I feel like I am going insane alone and scared and depressed.
I dont know if I want him back. I dont know if I want to divorce bust. I only know that I want to go home to clear my head. My contract expires May 6th. I am not going to sign it. My h has asked me why I would leave him here alone. He always said we only had each other here and I am so angry that he left me alone here and when I needed him the most to step up and be a man. His family is just as hurt and angry with him as I am. He will not talk to them. I only wanted to come home and grieve. I told him this on the phone. I also said at one point after she died, I just wanted to go home. Guess, he felt like this was his excuse to run. So, yes its hard but no contact this time. Its time that he understands I have boundaries. Kee
