The perpetual "now what?"

[blind]

Well,

I've been away from here for a while now... and sure, I've been doing better... but a lot of that feels that it is because it's harder to get worse.

It's been 12 months. I will say, hands down, the worst 12 months of my life.

The separation has stuck, but no big surprise there. Leaving me was a knee jerk decision, and she then needed to prove that she wasn't making the wrong one (she did this a lot). I get little to no contact, and that's been the way since she made up her mind and blindsided me.

A lot has happened. I have a drivers license, a car, a new flat in ANOTHER new city.. I've gone back to uni. I've been seeing someone... and I just... I don't know. I'm still numb I think. Maybe my trust is just damaged.

I find myself getting up in the morning and just laying there. I find myself wondering what comes next. What is the point?

I try to think about the future, what comes tomorrow, and the day after, six months, twelve months... and I don't know if I can see this feeling ever changing.

I look around this site and see a lot of very strong people. A lot of people going out and fixing things or getting themselves together and moving on.

Well, I got myself together, and I just can't shake the feeling that I've lost a large piece... and my reason to get up in the morning was tied up in that.

Everyone said "At least you don't have kids". I now think I may never have kids. Never have a family. Just get old and wonder about what I've missed.

I've done all of the things people have told me to do... I just don't know what to do next.

[ClingingToHope]

May will be two months since I was thrown out. Everyone's story is different, but there is one common thread -- it just takes time.

Think of how much better today you are than you were in week one.

In my case, the lowest point of my adult life was the first Saturday out of the house. My daughters were back at my house playing outside and ... I couldn't be there. I faced a whole day of nothing.

Luckily, I got in touch with a friend. We went golfing. Then another friend called to ask me to play softball. When that was over, I took a sleeping pill.

I was starting to get better at year one, but still had lots of down moments.

At year two, there are some down moments, but very few down days.

The common thought is just focus on today. You have enough to worry about tomorrow when that comes.

A book I read though had a good visualization technique. Imagine your life in five years. What kind of house do you live in. What kind of job do you have. What do you travel on vacation.

You are 29. There are years left to find the right person. In a church group I joined, there was a gorgeous 31 year old that I was just dying to ask out. Through the group, I learned that this is the type of person I want my girls to see me with.

But the divorce wasn't -- and isn't done -- so I told myself to wait in case there were twists ahead.

Of course, someone as pretty and grounded as this lady wasn't going to stay single forever and she started dating a guy and now they are engaged.

I didn't think so before, but there are lots of women out there and it just takes patience and courage to keep trying.

[mojo]

Ha yes I so agree with Clinging to hope. You are still very young. Many people don't even think about marriage until they are 30. But divorce is dreadful. Yes the trust is an issue. It's unbelievable that someone that you believed that you could trust could treat you so badly. It goes to show that you should not rush things. Take one day at a time and eventually I'm sure you will start to feel better. It just cannot be rushed that's all.

Best wishes.