Sorry I dropped off the grid for 4 days now. Was down with fever and bad allergies.
I think the title seems appropriate. I just got in the draft decree papers. I am taking my time going through them and making sure i am protecting myself. Wife was lil sad on the day the papers arrived. But now she seems quite okay. The final signing of the decree papers might come soon.
I called my daughter yesterday to talk. I has been 4 days since i talked to her. Wife knew that i was sick. She talked to me for about 5 mins after i talked to daughter, telling me about her, stuff happening at daughter's kindergarten, etc. But not once did she ask as to how i was doing. I was having a hard time talking because i kept coughing. But wife just kept on going talking about what she wanted to talk.
I have not seen this insensitive side of her. I developed high BP after daughter was born. From the time wife has filed for D, not once has she asked me about my health, and how i was. I make it a point to ask her quite frequently as to how she's doing. I wonder if she is doing this just not to give me false hope of reconciliation...
Hurts knowing that the woman you love/loved does not even care.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
Karma- I was sick all last week with pneumonia and my WAH never asked how I was doing or whether I could use more help with the kids. Very disappointing. You'd think he'd be concerned for the sake of the kids at least, but no. He only cares about himself. I'm sorry you're experiencing the same treatment.
Me- 35 H- 36 M- 7 T- 9 D3, D5 Bomb 1/21/11 EA/PA began 12/10? Discovered A 3/2/11 S- 3/3/11 OW gone- 4/27/11 H says he wants to reconcile, but lacking action
Try not to mind read. Maybe she is just protecting herself but I am sorry that you are not feeling well and that she didnt say anything kind.
Sometimes the WAW becomes the most self centered, selfish creature on the planet and is ONLY concerned about themselves and how they are feeling.
Either way, try not to dwell on it too much.
Hope you are feeling better.
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BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Meganna sorry about your husband not caring. Yup, i think it might be a common virus, the WAS-virus. All WAS exhibit similar symptoms.
1: Selfishness 2: Completely twisted story of your life with them 3: Not caring about family or children 4: Utopian dreams in their heads of greener pastures ahead.
Hope you feel better soon.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
Hope you are feeling better. I am unable to turn that switch on my W which is really confusing to me because for so many years i was the insensitive one and she was the caring one.
I know that little things like that hurt more than people realize sometimes.
Some of us do care, not that it is much comfort when the one you want is not the one caring.
1: Selfishness 2: Completely twisted story of your life with them 3: Not caring about family or children 4: Utopian dreams in their heads of greener pastures ahead.
this is so true. I have a WAH and this is exactly how he is too. One minute they are telling you how much they love you the next they can just walk away and just never look back and wants everything done NOW. Why????
Hang in there Karma, it is a rough road but you will get thru this.
W 37 H 34 No Children Married 04/23/2010 Together Since 11/2009 Seperated 03/10/2011 Not Yet Filed/Kind of expecting them anyday.
BITs, need some insight from you. Ran into a lil trouble yesterday. I'll try to document the convo, 2step style.
I called yup yesterday at my usual time to talk to daughter. earlier i emailed wife questions on the decree she sent me. So after talking to daughter i talked to wife.
M "Hey is your PC up and running now for you to check the email i sent you?"
W : "Nope. Still crashed. I'll reply as soon as i can get to the emails. Did you read through the decree. Any questions?"
M : "Yea i did a lil. I'll email you all the questions i have this weekend. Then you can consult your lawyer and get back to me. Like in the decree there is no mention of us sharing costs to ferry daughter between us."
W : "What do you mean sharing?. You mean i have to pay your gas money when you come and see her? I dont think so."
M : "Look talk to your lawyer. My lawyer told me that since daughter is staying from her hometown, you'll have to share the costs. You decided to move away from austin. austin is her hometown"
W : "No it is not. DFW(where her parents stay) is her home town"
M : "No wife. Daughter was born in austin. Since you decided to move away more than 200 miles, my lawyer said you should share in the costs. Look talk to your lawyer. I am sure the court also will agree that austin is daughter's hometown"
W : "So you were born in India. Might be you should just go back"
M : "You know wife i have no motivation for staying. Only reason i am staying is so that i can be close to daughter. You know that if i go back, all the child support money will drop substantially."
W : "You decided to move away from us. That is not daughter's home". Wife then started dredging up how i screwed up.
By this time i did not want to talk to her anymore. I ended the conversation by saying i'll talk later.
Yup I came to the US on a student's visa for my graduate studies. We got engaged before i came to the US. I did not want to marry before i finished school and got a job. But her family pushed us to her married. Yup, i did get my permanent residentship through my wife. Hated it as i always wanted to get it myself. But wife just wanted me to take the easier path by applying through her. What hurts like hell is that right now she is throwing that on my face. It is almost like she owns the right for me to exist in the US. The irony is that my entire family is bent on bringing me back to india as i have no family in the US. But right now i cannot stand not seeing or holding my daughter. She is my last thread i have to my sanity. I never though that wife would fight this dirty. Somehow in my mind i always placed her on a pedestal that she will not throw this on my face.
On one hand i am having to be tough with her because i always just layed down and let her walk over me. On the other hand I hate doing this to her because i still love her a lot and whenever i do this, i have this huge guilt that i am hurting her. But the icing on the cake is when she starts throwing dirt on me knowing very well my nature. I am not even sure how to process my feelings from last evening's conversation.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
You have to keep conversation topics separated. Direct conversations to stay focused on the topic at hand.
+ R and M talks stay on topic
+ kid talk is about the kid
+ financial talk stays on financials
You got caught following her into conversation that did not relate to transportation costs.
Your Ds hometown is irrelevant. Fact is, you are in austin, W is in DFW. That's where the conversation should have been stopped. You mentioned travel cost not in decree, she didn't like the idea, you asked her to discuss with her lawyer. That's it.
That's OK. What happened, happened. You have to be less hard on yourself. Let what she said roll off your back as best you can. Learn to be more focused on the information that needs to be passed between the two of you at any given time. Be better next time. :-)
