MLC or Life Crisis is Real

[FaithnAK]

It's been 4 months and 9 days from my divorce.

It's been awhile since I've posted on my sitch and it's time to give an update to some of the best ppl I've ever met.
I'll be real with everyone....I've dated one person since this "nightmare" began, not a bad girl, but not what I want...yet. I still "love" my ex-wife...I truly do. But I hate the "B!tch" at the same time. Win, lose = Pretty much.

I can't take anymore advice, but I can offer some, truly saying to you all....set em free. It doesn't matter what you do, act like, or live by that make them come back. They are on their own journey and they will continue to be until they do what 95% of us did....Look inside... Am I right?

I'm okay tho....I truly am. I have financial difficulties, but nothing I can't surmount. I have moments of anger, humility, and sadness. However, I overcome it....Why? because one...My god...2 because of you all...and 3 because of MWD....for real. I wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't meeting some of you all. I mean that with the utmost respect. Thank you.

Like Missher says...."Life is good"...I do believe this. It really is good if you let go of the "MLC'er".

Too All: Remember, what brought you here is searching and looking inside....they let go and here you are...maybe you should do the same. Not being a dick, but why stay?

[Mach1]

You sound good Faith....

Must be something in the 'Coffee' up there.....



: )

[MHL]

Hey Faith,

It is good to hear from you and you do sound good.

This place is special and the people here make it so for sure.

but I can offer some, truly saying to you all....set em free. It doesn't matter what you do, act like, or live by that make them come back. They are on their own journey and they will continue to be until they do what 95% of us did....Look inside... Am I right?

Yes, you are right and the hard truth here is that some of them never do and some of them wake up years later, only to face intense pain, and dark days. It is really sad.

When we truly "let go" as you say we start to realize this down here VVVVVVVVVVV.

...."Life is good"...I do believe this. It really is good if you let go of the "MLC'er".

The reality is that we are so wrapped up in our marriages and our MLC spouses that we forget about "life" altogether.

Somewhere along the way I did remember that

Life is Good and it is Good to be Alive..........

but you have figure that out on your own, if you are still looking at your MLC spouse really doesn't become clear.

Cheers

~C

[Jack_Three_Beans]

It is a hard thing to let go.

It is a fearful thing; "What message am I sending my spouse?"

It's the thing that saves you the most.

It's not giving up, it sounds like it, but it really isn't.

If you love something set it free,
If it comes back it was meant to be.

We all know the rest, but if we truely knew it, truly? If we could accept it...oh man, we wouldn't be wallowing here.

Yeah, I said wallowing. Because:

If it doesn't come back,
Hunt it down and kill it.

Seems more on par.

We tend to hurt the things that hurt us.

OR in a more passive role, we wear our wounds and don't allow them to heal so the world around us can see our hurt. Hoping for comfort. And we get it, and we don't grow tough. But the one we REALLY want to notice the one who is hurting us, well this backfires, and after time this even makes them more callous.

We all have a time frame when dealing with 'helpless' people, before we no longer care. A person who is capable but chooses not to help themselves...doesn't sit well with our social and pack mentality. The helpless person becomes a liability to the pack.

I do not wish to put words in AK mouth.

What I took away from what he said.

Live.

Live well.

Live well for yourself.

And I agree.

There was no way my wife was coming back to me if I wasn't doing that. If I was still 'stuck' If I wore my pain, not hers, around her all the time we did interact, she would have seen me as a pathetic.

I lived, I strived to become a better person. My interactions with her were as I told her they would be, I lived up to my word. I strived to be the guy who posts here.

I didn't wallow.

And when she broke down, broke apart and looked around.

She saw me.

But I didn't do that for her.

I gave her a chance, because that is who I am.

Who are you?

[MHL]

Live well for yourself.

There is something in that coffee up there......just hope its not radiation from Japan.

We don't really don't get "unstuck" until we truly reach the "living well for ourselves".

I think all too often some of us get to a place where life is good again but we still have one eye on the MLCer. It is hard not to especially when kids are involved but when we truly let go is when those wounds really heal.

[FaithnAK]

I have recently set up a WALL for my ex, 10 stories high...with barbed wire and fire, and I have absolutely have moved on. Sincerely.

I've watched many of you move on recently, and realize the timeline behind it. I question, but not judge...I question AM I READY?; But I don't know. As a man I need contact...I do. My life doesn't depend on it, but let's face nature....I need it.

I have whipped my a$$ in shape, not where I WANT to be, but I'm feeling highs I never really felt before. Lots of attention from the ladies but I had encounter today that makes me reach out for joy.

I'm absolutely ecstatic about this one. I can't and won't sugar coat it, but my hard personal work has brought the attention of it. Me, I better my life....I walk on and better myself, but am I suffering from self worth issues or am I just scared?

I WANT this woman...I want a second chance...Am I wrong for feeling this way. She reached out to me...I was practicing to look for dates, but I wasnt ready. All of a sudden BAM she asked me out. I can't put this down...My question is...do you have any thought provoking questions for me. I want and need challenge. Hit me if you can...but if you don't Im still going to attempt this. Life is too short to pass opportunity by. Thanks for any help you can offer.

[punkin]

Okay, but just remember, you asked for it. The person that wrote on your thread ( you ) on 4/15 and the person that wrote the above sound like two entirely different people. One was an adult who had made a decision to make it through the difficulties facing them and the other sounds like the teeny-bopper whose heart was broken, and she/he'll 'show them' by going out with someone else.

There is nothing wrong with you dating. There is nothing wrong with being excited about that date. But the attitude you are projecting above is over the top. Tone it down. It's a date, not a life time committment, and I can assure you she will backpeddle with a vengence if you come off as if it is. You sound like you are ready to throw a ring on her finger and ride off into the sunset. WHOH!

JMHO

[FaithnAK]

I do have 2 personalities...My Winter personality and Spring through Fall. May 1st I changed over.

I did get excited; I'm still excited. Funny thing is, I did feel like a teenager yesterday. What a great feeling! I feel alive and
all this work is paying off.

Am I going to marry her and ride off into the sunset? Umm, No. I'll decide that on the second date. LOL j/k

I would never throw my self under the bus for another relationship. I want to meet someone but only if my life and their life can be shared with mutual boundaries and enjoyment. My self worth does not come from her and hers shall not come from me.

Thanks for responding punkin.

[Onthemountaintop]

Maybe it is just me, but my first beginning steps to a relationship felt pretty nerve racking - things moved too fast in my head. I didn't expect that.

I feel a bit more normal to see that the post-event boat ride can be a more mature one, albeit cautious.

I hope date 2 went well, Faith.

[ericmsant2]

Faith

I've watched many of you move on recently, and realize the timeline behind it.

Faith I believe many of us (myself included)…may have moved on a bit too soon. Having said this…you live and you learn.

I question, but not judge...I question AM I READY?

You will be ready when you no longer need to ask yourself that question.

But I don't know.

Then you are not but that's just my opinion.

As a man I need contact...I do. My life doesn't depend on it, but let's face nature....I need it.

I HEAR ya loud and clear. The question is can you have the contact…and still feel okay with yourself.

It's a date, not a life time commitment

So true…..ya know Faith…we do SOME of the work inside and then all of sudden we start to get some attention, we start to realize that we are kick ass guys….so we jump…we go out on dates, we get involved and all of sudden we realize why we did it (at least that is my perspective)…we did it because we needed that “feeling”, we did to make us feel better. The woman you speak of, I am sure is one hell of a lady. If she is, then ask yourself, can you give YOURSELF to her. Can you give her ALL OF YOU.

Faith…I wish you the best. You have done a lot of work. Take it slow and easy….Keep checking yourself and do NOT be afraid to change the sitch if it needs to change. Be honest with yourself – everything else will take care of itself.

Peace,
Eric