It has been a long time since I have posted. Just been lurking now and then. I have been seperated for 5 yrs and divorced for 4. Been through the rebound dating and luckily never got serious about anyone. Wish I could say I was over ex but I an not there yet. I am pretty lucky in a lot of ways. I have a good job, I get along great with my kids and we have good communication, good health, I get my fair share of attention from the opposite sex, I'm getting better at playing my guitar, however, sadly I am still on this rollercoaster. There are times ex goes out of her way to be nice to me. There are times I even get the sense she misses me and then she goes dark again. I have tried not being responsive back, being nice back and nothing seems to make a difference. I know OM not as good to her as I was or would be, but it is her life and her choice. I also learned from dating that you can't make up real love, it has to happen naturally. So, I carry on, not getting into relationships I do not belong in and trying to finally let her go. I also have learned when you do find a true love, take very good care of it. i will certainly do that if I am lucky enough to have lighting strick me again.
That's the main reason I keep things at arms lenght with ex, not that he hasn't helped by marrying and now divorcing the witch from heck, but my distancing helped me heal big time.
I was married 10 yrs, knew him for 12, we separated for good Jan 08 by the end of 2009 (2 years) I had no feelings of any kind of him, I keep convos short and to the point (we have 2 kids), and I actually dislike when he starts his long convos about work, etc etc... not interested.
If you still have feelings for her and she is with a bf, you might want to rethink what good it does to keep reading into things by being too close to her.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Thank you for the very helpful insight. I very much appreciate your thoughtful post, however, I am sorry that you are here to make it. It is great you have done so well. I know it would have been a tremendous amount of work on your part. Give your ex's latest train wreck, you are wise to stay clear and not be involved as his next one.
One of the reasons I came back to post is that sometimes we need an outside perspective to point out the truths we either subconsiously or outright deny; and you have helped me out with that in a gentle mannner. Thank you.
I think my problem is to accept that those days as a happy family are in the past, that so much damage has been done and the choices she has made have forever closed that door; to put away the what ifs. It would be easy for her to play both sides against the middle and in her advantage. I just have to stop being one of the sides.
Thanks Cat. It seems I have some more work to do ahead of me.
Your are welcome 4... I wonder if she thinks she is doing a good thing by acting that way, or if she feels guilty and being extra nice is her way to make herself feel better about what she's done... and has no clue her behavior is affecting you this way.
You deserve more than crumbs, you deserve to love and be loved deeply and honestly... a friend who is widow would say to me that her H was the most loving and sweet man, that she'd accept no less, wouldn't just settle.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Thank you Cat. I think your friend has some very good advice. If I could interpret what she is saying it is that love that is tangible is one of life's special gifts and that it takes two people who understand that for love to flourish. I'm sure she would say that there were times when it was hard work as well. It sounds like she had a great partner, as she is too, which was the key to their success.
Thank you for saying I deserve better. You certainly do as well. It seems as though finding a good match gets harder as we get older. I am guessing that most people who understand the above are in long term relationships. It has been my experience in dating that there are a lot of people out there plowing through the dating world looking for some prince or princess who will rescue them without stopping to look at themselves and what they need to change to have a chance at finding a good partner.
I would say very few here are innocent. I know I did a lot of things that helped in the down fall of the marriage, as did my ex. So, I have been trying to take my own advice and have been seeing things in myself I should have a long time ago.
As for my ex, she is just hedging her bet I think. Why not? It is a natural human behavior. It is my job to put things to rest on my end.
I am guessing that most people who understand the above are in long term relationships. It has been my experience in dating that there are a lot of people out there plowing through the dating world looking for some prince or princess who will rescue them behavior. It is my job to put things to rest on my end.
so sadly true... I gave up internet dating sites for a bit, lol, I hate the dating scene... and some people are soooooo clueless living in la-la land
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
