Figured that's what you were talking about but I just wanted to be sure I wasn't missing anything.
Yes. Right now the real me is sitting here in Northern Ontario diligently hammering away on his computer to earn enough money to follow my dream, my heart, my love of water and surfing and being able to live well while living on the beach.
It's been my dream for years. So now the only thing standing between me and living a life I truly love, is making a single sale.
This new vision truly moves me. It touches and inspires me.
For me it's not checking out. It's totally tuning in.
Thanks again.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
Well it's been less than a week since I posted my intention to make a sale and move to Barbados, so I made my sale...
And I'm goin'!
Feels a little freaky actually, now that the dream is actually coning true, and I also have some lingering fears / anxieties about the loneliness, but the ex-wife now feels so gone-baby-gone I know that if I don't do something integral for myself I'm gonna go ape-sh*t waiting around for her.
Not even any sign of communication, let alone reconnection or commitment from her is anywhere to be seen at the moment and I realize that even despite the unworkability of our old relationship, and the full awareness and agreement that until she believes she is being true to herself she can't possibly be true to me or any other man for any length of time...
...I'm having a hard time really letting go. Detaching, yes, letting go...sorta kinda not really sometimes maybe
God I miss her.
Anyhoo, it's off to the beach for me. Will be buying my plane ticket next week, and planning to leave May 18th. Think I'll go for a month just to check things out and tour the different islands.
There's lots on my mind about my ex, my next goal is to see if she'll come scuba diving with me, but right now it's the old "one day at a time" approach.
Still thinking about her way too much for my health and happiness. Can't wait to get to the ocean and some clear, clean simple living to rejuvenate my soul.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
What I saw to be inevitable has finally happened. She has found another man. So now the questions are what does that mean to me, and what am I going to do.
Here's the email she sent to me this morning after I sent her Mother's day flowers yesterday:
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Hello Michael
Thanks for the flowers and the cards for the kids and then of course for the wonderful words of admiration!
We had a good day although I worked the night before and the next 3 nights so not much time to sleep but I'm use to that!
I'm not sure how to tell you this so I'm just gonna blurt it out! I unexpectedly met someone I really like I didn't feel the need to tell you right away because I didn't want to hurt you, but our friendship relationship has always been about honesty and trust so I feel it's necessary to let you know.
I'm sorry I know this will hurt you and it truly is not my intentions I just don't want you to have false hope about us. I want you to find your true happiness and not waste time you deserve true happiness and the best that life has to offer!! I know you will be ok and I have learned so much from you and from our relationship I thank you for that and for all the fun exciting things we have done and shared together. I want us to both be happy we deserve it!!
With all that said, I still have your things and not sure what you want me to do with them??
I will always love you and have a special place for you in my heart we will remain friends as well just best to be out of contact for now while we start this new life. Do you agree?
Love always L----
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She says she met someone unexpectedly but of course she is not being honest with herself when she knows that she has been looking. But I don't think that's what matters.
What matters is that I have not been being honest with myself. I was going to Barbados not just to start a new life for myself, but with every hope of having her come down and spend as much time as possible with me there.
We both had a dream of living on the beach together, and although I still have that dream of being able to live and work anywhere I choose, I'm not really so sure I want to take making a move like that on my own while I am still developing my business.
If there was a chance that she would visit soon, then it seemed to make some sense. But now I was just doing more of the same old hoping for things to happen instead of really being in harmony with God and truly being open to where that takes me.
At least now I can let her go.
Not sure how to respond to her email, so if you have any suggestions please let me know.
I am, however, starting to see the light. I am starting to feel worthy of being with someone who loves me for who I am, and I am becoming much happier with myself. Have realized it will never work with anyone, I will never be truly happy with any other woman unless I am completely honest with myself and her.
It's a start.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
I need some a major vacation and I'm thinking beach, tropics, good food.