However, if you stay away from R talks, then it's very possible that she would pretend nothing was ever said about her leaving in June.
Please listen to this. It's precisely what happened to me. The dates just came and went, nothing was said. There were times I was almost bursting to do R talks but I kept quiet.
Good job Scared. It sounds like you are kind of in limbo but with some positives. DONT backslide and ask for HUGS or LOVE affirmation. This will make you look weak.
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Also this times a 1000. No initiation. I didn't initiate for months, then after a while she began to initiate. Provided there is no OM in your situation, I reckon you got a good chance.
Well, things have not gotten better, in fact I started drinking alot more and have probably pushed the final nail in. I just have lost it and I am spiriling downward.
I never get any positive feedback and it has taken its toll on me
Me - 39 yrs old Wife - 39 yrs old Married - 18 years Together - almost 21 year Kids - son age 13/ daughter age 10 Bomb Dropped in May 2010 Seperating - June 2011, after school lets out
So?.. What are you going to do with this situation? Have you totally given up? Why are you looking towards your W for postitve feedback, you know at this point it won't be there and yet your focus is all on her.....what about your kids? What about you? What are you teaching and showing them behaving in this manner?
Sorry I don't mean to sound harsh but you need to put the bottle down, and start thinking about your future.
Scared......That was rather harsh.and I'm sorry. I have read your posts.
I was raised by an alcoholic father.. A successful, loving Husband and Father to one that turned to the bottle to the point of suicide, so when i see someone turning to alcohol for a solution to their problems it hits me square in the gut. So I respond from a child / teenager / young adults point of view. It wasnt pretty...and to this day I still wonder if there was something I could have done, said, etc. to have prevented his death. Please think of your children, you dont want to teach them these values. Show them a strong postivite father, they are watching.
Scared, I haven't read all of your previous threads, but I think I'm in a similar situation as you are. I know how hard it is.
Haven't you seen any positive signs from your W? Also small things matter, such as the tone of her voice.
For me, acting "as if" has really helped. If you act as if you will move on with your life, I really believe that eventually you will do just that. I've gotten my head straight and can think rationally and more clearly about the situation. Actually, I'm not so sure anymore that staying in the R is such a good idea for me.
Scared. I have followed your post from the start and have always supported you. Please listen to Cindy(NSS) , Alcohol is not the answer. Only makes a bad situation MUCH worse and will not change her mind. I dont think I know of anyone that said " im thinking of leaving my spouse but now that hes drinking, I think Ill stick around cause thats what i like"
I know it hurts like hell, we all have been through the pain but you have kids to think about.
Be strong.
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BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
