I have been luking for a few weeks and I would like to throw my hat in here and see if I can get some help and ideas to save my marriage.
Married 17 years, 2 kids 11 and 9. I am 41 and my W is also 41. I have the divorce busting book and I am on my second read. I think I am dealing with a Midlife Crisis. I know I am partially to blame for where we are. I have a hard time communicating and this has pushed her away to the point that she is saying. "i know longer love you, I feel no connection to you and I am not sure I want to reapir the marriage". I have been giving her space but my workaholic history and poor communication makes it hard for me to logically give her space. I want to show her I am matured and can be present and a better participant in the marriage and family. I am working HARD on myself. Learning to not push her (though I have backslides at times). I need help figuring out what actions I need to take that will make a difference. Giviing space seems to be more of the same instead a real 180 but being home and more helpful around the house with the kids is met with great resistance. Help!
Bobcat - Welcome. Sorry you find yourself here. Sounds like you've started off on the right track. Especially in the case of working on yourself. It's important when you work on yourself to focus on being the man YOU want to me. Don't do it just to please your W. This will help the changes be more permanent. If you are working long hours, as a 180, you may want to consider cutting back on your hours. Your W may feel like she is competing with your job. As far as giving space, just keep it distant but interested. If you can scrape up the money to enlist a DB coach, I would highly recommend it.
Just my 2 cents. There are some vets on here that may be able to give you more.
I am also sorry for what you are going thru. It is very difficult to stay strong all the time. I hope you are talking to a DB coach, they give you very specific ways to take of yourself and how to interact with your wife, so that you are more likely to get a chink in her armor! There is a pricing special, if you want to talk to someone today. Give me a call and take good care of yourself.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
bobcat, sorry you are in this mess, you have found a great place to help and vent.
Quote:
"i know longer love you, I feel no connection to you and I am not sure I want to reapir the marriage".
Can you be more specific with what you think led her to make her decision? The more you tell us the better we can help.
First starters, do things around the house that you otherwise wouldn't do or thought you didn't have to do. Don't do them to get noticed by her, do them b/c you want to do your share around the house. She will notice, trust me. And she may make nasty comments to you about it. Don't get nasty back, say something like: I get now, I doing xxx because it needs to be done. Do it for you. post oten others will be around soon.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
