Re-reading books and wondering if I should be using the piecing tools.
Some of you may know my situation. Basically, M has been very strained and Ws boss is looming as potential OM.
Should I be using piecing tools? Major difference seems to be in whether or not W knows what I'm doing, whether or not she is onboard. Or do I batten the hatches, and prepare for the storm on my own?
Sorry to be so vague - I was typing on my phone and my fingers got tired. My earlier posts are on newcomers, but here's a summary.
State of our M? Strained. I got the "I don't have any respect for you" talk, a while back. I had some resentment from her past decisions to let go. Our life is extremely busy with 3 Ss and our jobs. And, indications are, she has a budding EA with her boss at work. For a little over a year I struggled with anxiety about the situation, much of which came out to her before I started to embrace the DBing - so I didn't come off looking strong and confident. W declined twice to go the MC - says it is my problem.
In short, if I suck it up and pretend it's all good our M goes along ok. When I am strong and confident, she responds positively. (My career, however, is definately not ok, and my health is a concern - but these are things I'm working on)
The evidence for the EA is circumstantial, but there's quite a bit of it. This is a real sore point for us, and not something we can talk about without having a big argument. And so, despite my desire to talk it all out, I'm managed (with help from those here) to basically leave it alone for quite a while now.
Our level of connection - well we live together, and at times seem to be doing very well. I do love her my Ss and am 100% committed to the M. However, anytime her boss comes into the picture - work, emails, business trips - it is very difficult. We argue and there's a great distance between us. How we get along depends mostly on how accepting I am of the current situation. W is a ACOA and does not discuss feeling, nor talk about the past or future. Stays insanely busy and must be "in charge".
My R goals are to head off, halt, or endure a EA - only the last option is really up to me, of course. To build myself up again - priority #1, as I've let this slide too far. And get some sort of balance in our M, where it's more a 50-50 partnership - this will require boundaries, some GAL, and time.
So I'm wondering which set of rules I should follow. I re-read the books and it's just not clear to me - but it seems important to know.
