So - I've been reading people's stories and they have helped a lot, but I am still unsure what to do about my situation. We've been married 30 years, with all the ups & downs. Have 2 sons now married and on their own. My H travels 3/4 of the year to South America, and I just found out that for the past 5 years, he has had PA with OWmen in several diff countries. His being so absent from our home/marriage caused us both to lead "separate, yet parallel lives", but I never considered having a PA.
Now I am not sure how to proceed. He claims to have cut off relations with all women and wants to work on our marriage, but because I do not have access to his work computer or his smart phone and when he is out of the country, I can't really know what he is doing. I am having a really hard time trusting him.
Has anyone had similar experiences? Where do I go from here?
First, big hugs to you. I truly hope that you are doing ok.
When you ask, "where do I go from here," have you asked yourself this? What do you want to see happen? You say that you are having a hard time trusting your H and that is completely understandable. However, it doesn't seem that his travel situation is going to change anytime soon. Therefore, you have a decision to make: either trust him or don't trust him. But you need to make that decision. To leave yourself forever questioning things will make you crazy.
When your husband says that he wants to work on the marriage, has he told you how he wants to do this? Does he want marriage counseling, weekly talks about R, go back to dating you, etc.? What does working on the marriage look like?
Have you read DB or DR?
I hope that you spend more time here. It is a great community which has been an enormous help to me. I'm praying for you.
I am currently reading DR and trying to think positively. I have been reading lots of articles on-line and the book "Beyond the Affair". He is currently in SA and says ILY when we say goodbye on the phone, but is still going out on Saturday nights to bars & discos, and today he went "site-seeing". He says it was with a client, but how do I know? He has been spending so much time with OWmen in the past, how can I know that he isn't doing the same now?
I know I sound crazy, but this has really been hard for me to understand.
"Everyone" loves him. He plays with the worship band at church when he is in town, and every Sunday people ask where he is and "what a great guy he is"... it kills me not to be able to say - "yeah - a great guy who f**ks other women when he's out-of-town.
I am torn between being really pissed and wanting to repair our R. Sorry for the rambling - I am not talking to my friends or family in case we do reconcile.
