I am about 90% sure there is not OW, however, I could be dead wrong. But my H is not the player type.....he looks the part but does not have the self confidence to play the part. Never has!! His former A was with a married "girl" she was 15 years younger than him and that happened prior to me rekindling a relationship with him ( I had not seen him in over 15 years)...it was during that period that he was the OM, as she was married and a devout Mormon. It was and is a mess, as you have read from my thread a child was bore from the affair....he has tremendous guilt over the entire situation (which I think is part of the problem too). However, she is still married and her H knows the entire situation and they continue to live as a family....non of her children have a clue. Her children are presently 12, 10 and the love child is 5.
So possible he was in the MLS during the affair with her some 6 years ago. Who knows...
He just tells me that:
he does not know what he wants he does not want to get divorced he needs some space he wants some alone time he does not want to have to be with someone 24/7 he does not want any OW...in fact he wants to be alone he is moving back to his former home (that we had rented) on April 1 he still wants to see each other (but on his terms....which I am not going to agree to) he still tells me or text me that he loves me he still wears his wedding ring he still refers to me as his W to people he talks about things in our future he still communicates with me almost daily either text or phone
While our conversations are mostly superficial......I do not initiate anything or ask any questions.
So all this is so DAMN confusing.....I am trying to GAL but it is hard and I am also trying to detach. But when he does communicate in some way almost daily it is hard....
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
although I am not one of the sought out vets, I have been on here for a year and a half off and on so I have read alot.
I know how you feel not getting responses right away so I will chime in until you get someone with more expertise.
Fitst let me say this, you need to be as calm and take out the emotion when dealing with WAS. If not , you will make a ton of mistakes as I have. And this is waaay easier said then done.
You contradict yourself in this post btw, you say your husband is not the cheating type and then in the next sentence, you mention an affair he had, if Im reading this right.
Bottom lines here. Never rule out the possibility of an affair. I was POSITIVE my wife would never do that and I asked her time and time but she denied it and even when she got caught she denied. They are capable of anything and most of the time when they leave, its for someone else or the promise of someone else.
People will tell you to focus on yourself and your children. Be the best YOU that you can be and he will notice. They are always watching to see what you are doing.
Do not beg , cry or plead for him to come back. That will fall on deaf ears and it only empowers them.
BE strong.
9
I am a very passionate person that wears his heart on his sleave and that has not served me well in these situations.
Okay, from what I have read so far, your husband appears to be a bit of a cake eater. He wants everything on his terms but I think if you allow this, he will not respect you and find that unattractive in the long term.
You have to be true to yourself and
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
I totally understand your confusion because my H is being the same way. Says he doesn't want a divorce, he just needs some time, etc. I try to rack my brain and come up with some idea of what he might be thinking, but then I remind myself that I can't possibly know what he is thinking and I don't want to make any assumptions anyway.
I would take the positives for what they are worth-positives. He says he doesn't want a divorce, well I think that is a positive step. Doesn't mean you should be overly confident that he won't want one in the future, but for now this is a good thing.
As hard as it is, and trust me it seems impossible, try not to focus on what your H wants. Focus on what you can do for you to make yourself a stronger person regardless.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
