Basic Question

[Jack_Three_Beans]

If you're in Piecing that means (hopefully) that some of the rules for DBing have changed.

"I love you," for example, you get to say...maybe not 1,000 times a day, but you get to say it.

Realtionship talks - you should be having them, and again like a sugar filled treat...not every day. Or at least getting to the point of being able to have them.

Your shedding the DB tactics that have so far protected you, or modifying them, because to continue...usually is counter productive to piecing.

But...

Are you still setting small obtainable goals?

It is the 2nd step of DR. And still a very valuable tool for you.

[Harrier]

I thought about this...and at first glance. I thought I wasn't. but then i thought some more, I am I just don't call them goals. But this is a great reminder.

Honestly, I didn't get a chance to DB that long before things started to change for me.

It's a strange place to be that's for sure. All the things, I worried about haven't come to pass.

Of course I have BIG goal in April that's looming...yikes.

[MynameisMZ]

Hi...sigh...I was over in MLC and now that we are solidly piecing, I'll start a new thread here pretty soon. I just want to get familiar with this section.

In a nutshell......
H and I are committed to our M.
We say ILY a lot...whenever we want.
We LIKE our R talks, but don't do them every day.
H wants to renew our vows. I think that is a ways off.
I'M the one who isn't ready.
H is quite relieved to be out of the craziness of the A.
H has to deal with that himself.
That's his work.

I do have classic PTSD symptoms and am working on healing.
It's not full-blown like it was, but I still have symptoms.
That is my work.

MZ

[FindingMyVoice]

Harrier - I'm curious! what's the BIG goal in April!? And Hi MZ! Wow - nice to see you back in piecing - congrats! Really glad to hear you're working on your own experience of trauma from the A. You deserve that.

As far as obtainable goals go, I think they should be a part of everyday marriage. When I saw the name of the thread 'patience' - that really resonated with me because it, in itself was enough of a goal when things were worst...

Every time I initiated a change, or asked for a change in the M, it required a lot of patience. Lots of times the change would start of good, then falter a number of times before I could really feel like it was becoming a part of our day-to-day life.

And, particularly if it was a change I needed to ask him for, lots of times I couldn't even be sure he took the request to heart because the response to it was often silence. However I'd just put the request out there, and wait. Soon enough, there would be the change I'd been hoping for.

Even now, my goal would be patience and compassion with myself as I continue to learning (and making mistakes) to be more open with him.

[FindingMyVoice]

PS - that threat 'Patience' is in newcomers.

[Harrier]

I was kinda having fun. It's not M or R related, but I am running the Boston Marathon in April. I hope to run a personal best.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

While I think personal goals are great and kept a person honest. I meant relationship goals, even little ones.

And that is awesome Harrier.

[Still learning]

Harrier - that's great! Talk about dscipline. You're way ahead of me.

[Harrier]

Harrier - that's great! Talk about dscipline. You're way ahead of me.

SL, I will say having goals about your R is good. last night, as spurred by this post, I was trying to think of some R goals.

I will say it totally different when your partner is completely on board. I think I am on my way to having a great/better marriage.

the key for me is also not setting unrealistic goals...like never fighting

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Maybe;

Goals:

fight less.

get her to laugh at the end of a fight.

more make up sex. : )
Wouldn't THAT be awesome? Hell I'd get home and be like: Hey where's my pot pie!?! Every night.


You're right unrealistic goals, hurt you.