Well today brings a very special update W called a few minutes ago
W: hey what are you doing
M: Driving whats up
W: I tried calling you last night but you did not answer
M: yeah my cell phone is acting up. For some reason at home I am not getting any calls. I am not really sure what is going on. You should have called the house. What are you doing?
W: I had some stuff to do this morning. I know it's April Fools day but there is something I have to tell you. I have been debating for several days on how to tell you but I have to tell you. I just don't want to do it while you are driving.
M: Ok. I am fine what is it
W: I just feel like I have to tell you H. The judged signed the D today. You will be getting the paperwork in the mail. I am sorry. I don't want to hurt you.
M: Wow. Did not expect that.
W: What did you think was going to happen here. What were your expectations? You signed the paperwork what did you think I was going to do?
M: I guess I should not be surprised. I just did not expect it to be this quick. I signed them because I respected what you wanted but I did not want this. This is what you wanted. I guess now you have it
W: I did not want this for us. I needed this. I needed to do this.
I was quiet
W: Silence......
M: I don't know what to say
W: Ok. I am sorry I hurt you
M: Have a good day at work W
I hung up. A few minutes later she called again
W: I am sorry about the other day also. I did not mean to take it out on you.
M: That's ok
W: Say something. Anything.
M: what is there left to say?
W: ok.
M: I'll talk to you
W: ok
So there you have it. No more speculation. No more wondering. No more..................
Now before everyone jumps on and says it's only over if you want it to, don't give up. Every man and women has to decide when to move on. Every person on this board reaches a point that they are not willing to go past. Reality is reality and we each must face it on our own time.
I am enternally grafeful for the support and love I have received on this board. You people, who I will never meet, have been my closest friends throughout my darkess hour.
It has been a long road. I have learned lessons that I will carry with me for ever.
Today I am numb. I am shattered. I am heartbroken. I have zero Hope. Today is my darkess hour.
I know the sun will come out tomorrow. I know I will recover. I know I am a better person.
But
Today I see no light in my world. I see no future no past no present, time is not moving. I am in suspended animation.
A thief came and stole my soul my heart and I don't know that I will ever fully recover.
What am I scared of?
Me? I am scared of everything. I am scared of who I am, what has happened, what I feel, but most of all I am scared of waking up tomorrow and never feeling for the rest of my life the way I felt for my W.
I am here again, in a familiar place feeling something I've felt before, wondering why it's still here, why I didn't deal with it more fully before, BUT I know that if I need a second chance at it I will get it. I also know that if it comes up again, I'll recognize it sooner and deal with it more readily. This is growt, AND, I am happy to be alive.
I can't talk to her anymore, it's not that I am mad at her it is just then when I talk to her I realize how much I love her, and when I realize how much I love her I realize I can't have her and that makes me love her even more.
So BITS and Friends. There you have it.
I am numb
This is 2step signing out...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
my heart feels your sadness and pain. There are no words that can really offer any comfort during this time. Please know that I am sending you a BIG hug and saying prayers for you and D.
You have been a great friend to me and have offered me inspiration. I will never forget your kindness.
You are an example that we can change even when we are tested to the max. You never waivered. Don't let this define who you've become.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
My thoughts are with you 2step. I hope and pray that life blesses you with the happiness you deserve.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa