When I'm with my D those thoughts fly out the window. It's the times without her that seem to be harder.
Found this today....
It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Good grief! There is enough moping about going on these days without taking Country's happy post and sad-sacking all over it.
Listen guys ... I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, and please remember that I have been where you are ...
You didn't die. Your life is not over. Your value is not tied to someone else's actions or feelings. Your spouses have make some really chitty decisions and yes, it suck$ right now and it hurts. The reality is, only you determine how long you feel that way. YES, this is true. I know you don't believe it, right now you're probably thinking "No, she does. Cause if she came back I wouldn't feel like this anymore." I heard it here, and I've repeated it more than once ... if she came back now and you hadn't done the work ... where do you think you'd end up? How real would your changes be? How emotionally ready to possibly forgive and work towards healing would you be?
Most of us just want them back in the beginning out of desperation, fear, insecurity ... we don't put enough time into thinking about how READY we would need to be to actually begin the piecing process. You think the bomb is hard? You think being separated is hard? Well, what I've heard is that piecing is harder ... but worth it
Oh, and as a side note... How attractive is a moping, sad sack, whose sense of self worth is tied to whether or not someone else wants him?
Ever hear of the law of attraction? Well, all those negative, self defeating vibes that get chucked out into the universe aren't gonna help. Figure out your "why"s, dig into your stuff ... leave her to hers.
Think gratitude guys. And yes, I put my money where my mouth is ... I did this, and I did it early. Dig through my threads, you'll see it. Every day, find something to be grateful for ... and don't qualify or analyze it to death.
Me? Today I am grateful for the opportunity to pay it forward.
Now, get back to work
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
When I'm with my D those thoughts fly out the window. It's the times without her that seem to be harder.
Found this today....
It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
YES!!! Love it Country ... both the mindset and the quote!
PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Thanks PEI. I've been here before and I've lost it before. When will it stick? IDK. But I'll take what I can get!
Quote:
Most of us just want them back in the beginning out of desperation, fear, insecurity
This is so true right here. When those feeling can be shed, things look a lot different. The WHY's of wanting them back start becoming a tougher question to answer.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
That tough question is something you will have to ask yourself everyday Country. I know now that I have finally detached and started finding the positives in everything in life and it has made me happy. My kids think I am the bomb as they would say! Then you start to just feel good about everything! Heck when you are positive about everything good things start happening for you! Last night I went to a class called "The Impact on Children through Divorce". Well a nice looking lady came up to me and said I don't know if this appropriate or not and she handed me a piece of paper with her name and phone number. I am still married and I really am not interested in dating someone at this point, but let me tell you, I am about as confident as a man can get. Give off that positive energy and let your wife see you as a dang good catch! Who knows what the future has in store for any of us but you will know what to do as long as you stay positive. Just my thoughts!
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
Great post PEI. I remember those days, now I'm so much stronger and confident. If I met my W for the first time out some where, I wouldn't even consider her a possible interest. I am waayyyyy out of her league now.
Quote:
Good grief! There is enough moping about going on these days without taking Country's happy post and sad-sacking all over it.
Listen guys ... I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, and please remember that I have been where you are ...
You didn't die. Your life is not over. Your value is not tied to someone else's actions or feelings. Your spouses have make some really chitty decisions and yes, it suck$ right now and it hurts. The reality is, only you determine how long you feel that way. YES, this is true. I know you don't believe it, right now you're probably thinking "No, she does. Cause if she came back I wouldn't feel like this anymore." I heard it here, and I've repeated it more than once ... if she came back now and you hadn't done the work ... where do you think you'd end up? How real would your changes be? How emotionally ready to possibly forgive and work towards healing would you be?
Most of us just want them back in the beginning out of desperation, fear, insecurity ... we don't put enough time into thinking about how READY we would need to be to actually begin the piecing process. You think the bomb is hard? You think being separated is hard? Well, what I've heard is that piecing is harder ... but worth it
Oh, and as a side note... How attractive is a moping, sad sack, whose sense of self worth is tied to whether or not someone else wants him?
Ever hear of the law of attraction? Well, all those negative, self defeating vibes that get chucked out into the universe aren't gonna help. Figure out your "why"s, dig into your stuff ... leave her to hers.
Think gratitude guys. And yes, I put my money where my mouth is ... I did this, and I did it early. Dig through my threads, you'll see it. Every day, find something to be grateful for ... and don't qualify or analyze it to death.
Me? Today I am grateful for the opportunity to pay it forward.
Now, get back to work
Peace PEI
To comment back about the your spouse being passed away, I am saying you would be a great dad to your child. We get to teach our child relationship skill that our parents didn't show us. Be gratefule for the opportunity to break the cycle of bad R in your family.
Boundaries are good to have. I have thought my kids about them and they express they feelings freely now. just last week my S3, said to me after I yelled at him.... I don't like being talked to that way. I was proud of him for expressing how he feels.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
To comment back about the your spouse being passed away, I am saying you would be a great dad to your child.
I understand. My response was a bit of a bad joke.
One of the concrete positives from all of this is how it has changed my perspective of time with my D. I always considered myself a good dad, but when time is limited you realize you need to make the most of the time you do have. I enjoy every minute of it and do so with a renewed focus.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
PEImom, your nuggets of wisdom have be really great!
I dont want to Hijack this thread, but what if the impending doom of divorce is looming close? I am not sure what is worse. If your spouse says that they are not interested in working on the marriage but still don't divorce, or as in case of my wife, said she did not want to be married to me, filed for divorce and is pushing it at full swing and along the way has been quite un-reasonable with some of her divorce requests. How do i deal with the situation where i still love this woman, but don't like where she is taking our lives. I am unable to reconcile these. Yup, i try to work on myself so that i can be a better person and might be my wife might take notice, but it is becoming very very hard knowing that pretty soon the divorce will go through. I would love to hear your feedback. Again, sorry for hijacking the thread
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
