my actions are for myself. By listening to different music I am actully liking it. As for working out, it's to stay in shape so I will be able to keep up with me kids. Looking good doesn't hurt attracting women either.
I'll tell you this, Being a great dad attracts women.
Keep being a great dad to your D. Your W may notice, and so will many other women.
Starsky, good to hear from you. wax on wax off. gee golly wiz I sure hope so! lol
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Well, D was acting fine this morning. I waited a few hours to make sure she was OK, and then decided to just take her into daycare rather than wait for my W to pick her up. I called her AFTER I dropped her off, this was my decision to make.
TBH, this situation created some anger in me. Anger because my W has created this situation. From here on out, there will ALWAYS be one of us who cannot be there for our D when she needs us. It angered me that W can make a decision to put us in this situation. Putting this OM in front of her family.
I continued to feel this anger this morning and it was part of my decision not to wait for my W. I felt that there was a slight chance I would not hold it in around her. I cannot put myself in that situation. Of course, if I really felt it was not best for my D, I would not have done it, but she truly did seem fine this morning.
When I called, she did not answer. I left a message telling her the details she needed to know. She responded with a text something to the effect of "glad she is feeling better!" Yeah, no thanks to you mom......
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
You know, I just don't know what to think of my W right now.
I texted the W and asked if she was going to be picking up D before her nap. W worked last night, so normally she would not pick her up until after the nap, but under the circumstances, I assumed she would shake it off and pick her up early.
She replies that she was planning on after the nap so “they can both get some rest.” She knows that D does not nap well at daycare… My office is literally only 2 minutes from D’s daycare so I said “OK, I’ll go check on her at lunch”
She replies “I can pick her up now if you want” If I want?
Then…
“I was just sleeping, but I can get up” Just sleeping? Next to some guy who is not the father of your child perhaps?
I say “It’s up to you, I don’t mind checking on her”
She then says she’ll get up and pick her up now. Asks me to call daycare and let them know so they do not put D down for her nap before she gets there.
I say “will do”
And she says “K, I’ll call you”
Yeah, we’ll see if she calls, don’t know why she would really.
She seems so panicky that she is not being a good mother. And truth be told, right now she is not giving the 110% she did before her A. That part REALLY tears me up.
I am really just in an F her mentality right now. She is just not acting like the person I fell in love with right now. I really don’t know what I would do if she called right now asking to come home. Not that I will have to worry about it…
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Thats because Country and you know this, She is NOT the person you fell in love with. She has been abducted if you want to go that route or to call a spade a spade, part of her is intoxicated by the OM and that has her torn between being the mother she should be and this wild ride she is on.
Sorry to be so blunt. My W complained a few months ago that she wanted a Friday to herself when Oldest son wanted to see her and spend the night. She balked at that because she had "PLans".
I know what those plans were and she would rather be with OM then with her son that night.
YOU cant be 100% sure but you can take a pretty good guess.
Sorry to hit you with this and that you are feeling this way country.
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
No 9, I am under no illusions. She is charting her own path of destruction. Nothing I can do to stop her right now.
She did call and let me know she picked up D and she is doing well. We were both upbeat and friendly on the call. Acting “As if” took all my energy on that call. Oh, the things I wanted to say…
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
TBH, this situation created some anger in me. Anger because my W has created this situation. From here on out, there will ALWAYS be one of us who cannot be there for our D when she needs us. It angered me that W can make a decision to put us in this situation. Putting this OM in front of her family.
This is a natural feeling. Make sure you're the one that's there when D needs a parent.
You will go back and forth hating her then thinking things can work out.
Why even bother her. Take responsibility for your D, no one else seems to be. Your W wanted you to call daycare? What the he11 is wrong with her that she can pick up a phone to call herself. Stop doing things for her! Stop saving her!
Start thinking on these lines when she is struggling with her time. "No one said being a single parent was going to be easy. I'm sure you'll figure it out"
Why in the world would the LBH make it easy for their WAW to carry on an A?
She is in for a rude awakening once reality catches up to her.
BTW, feel free to give me 2x4s. Even though I'm far along in the process and much stronger, it doesn't mean I don't have moments where I think things could work out.
gr8
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Your W wanted you to call daycare? What the he11 is wrong with her that she can pick up a phone to call herself. Stop doing things for her! Stop saving her!
You’re right, and it bugs me now after the fact. The truth is, it is hard in the moment to not still feel like her H. And in that role it would be normal to call for her. She asks because I guess in the moment that seemed like a reasonable request from her.
It is hard to always remember where we are. It was only a few months ago we were a normal family. It is hard to change behavior so quickly. I was her H a lot longer than her LBH. My head doesn’t always quickly adjust to my new reality.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Last question: What did you hope to gain from sending the letter?
Really.
Really? Guilt and remorse.
I know it. I am going through a period of anger. I do want her to feel bad for what she is doing. I believe what she is doing IS wrong.
Luckily though I let it all out here. I have been able to keep my cool with her so far. I know I am still new, but I know enough now to understand how these different phases come and go.
Who knows what the next phase will be....
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
I have a feeling what the next phase will be. 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression/Grief 5. Acceptance
The five stages of death apply to this process too.
CS, if you were fired from your job tomorrow would you continue to go to work and help out the company even though they don't want you and won't pay you? But you think by helping them you will be rehired?
Same thing here, Your W fired you from being her H.
Refocus your anger on positive activities. work out, write songs,
you will benfit from it.
gr8
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
