New and saying hello

[verysad2day]

nice post

[~¤DG¤~]

Well, I had a good session with my C today.
That was exactly what I needed! I really got a lot out.
Shed quite a bit of tears, but left feeling refreshed and brand new.

She reminded me that nobody writes my story but me. And you know what? She's right.

[Brian in Hville]

You go girl!!!! That is the right attitude!

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling---------

I should go see my C every day, because then maybe I would feel in control of my life.
I was more emotional today than I have been in weeks.
I admitted that as hard as I am trying to do things for me, I often feel like I am doing them for him.

And I'm waiting. And waiting.

And then my mind starts to wander, and then I start thinking irrational thoughts,
And they become real, and then I am upset and worked up over absolutely nothing. Just something that popped into my head.

I have to stop listening to the negative talk within myself.
I know that makes me sound like I hear voices in my head, but I don't.

She told me every time I start to feel negative, then I should start listing all the things I am grateful for.
At this rate, I'm going to be talking to myself all day long.

I know I've grown. I know I still have a long ways to go but I have also come a long way.
I didn't realize it until she started reading some notes she took from my first visit months ago.

I will be ok. Hopefully.

[Michael M]

Here is an exercise that my C taught me. Whenever I have problems with thinking about the future(anxiety) or how I could have changed the past(depression), just live in the here and now. Interact with it, notice it, look for details. It keeps your mind from wandering too far ahead or lagging in the past.

[~¤DG¤~]

You know, it could be because I am exhausted but I am confused about what you mean.

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling-----

Was texting with H yesterday for a little bit, he was asking how my appt with C went, etc.
Then, he just stopped and I haven't heard anything since.
He has wished me goodnight every night for the past 2 weeks and he didn't even do that.
So now I don't know what to think. I sent him a text asking if I did something to upset him and didn't receive a response from that either.

I'm trying not to assume anything because I've always been wrong about them, but this freaks me out a little.
We are supposed to meet for lunch today and now I'm not sure if that is still happening or not.

I slep like crap last night being all worried about what all this could possibly mean.

[tank]

hi DG, finally finished rewading about your journey.

Be very careful with the text conversations. They leave to much to the imagination. Your not face to face, so you cant read body language, you dont know the true meaning behind them. If he stops texting, then you need to as well. By asking him if you upset him, you make yourself look needy etc. If he stops, you stop.

As for lunch, go about your day as normal, as if the plan is still in place. if he doesnt show up, have a good lunch. Dont let it bring you down.

You have done so well on your journey. Stay strong, you will become who YOU want to be.

[Michael M]

DG, what i meant was when you start getting those feelings, look at your surroundings and observe them. Pay attention to the minute details about them. It helps get your mind off from whatever you were thinking.

My observations about my area that I am in would be at the moment: The kids must have got up early because I have a lot of cleaning to do. There are cracker and popcorn crumbs spread in the house. In front of me is my computer desk. It has the computer monitor and keyboard on it. The Monitor is an ancient Gateway box monitor.

Also there is a spindle of CD's made by memorex. They are a matte silver with a shiny rim around them. The memorex is also silver. I also see a pair of toenail clippers that I forgot to put away yesterday. They are shiny with a curve at the end. That curve must help assist in turning the top part around.

There are more observations around me but I hope you get the point. Just pay attention to the here and now. Not the past or the future.

[~¤DG¤~]

Thanks Tank.

I have had friends tell me that I am sitting around and waiting for him.
I suppose in a way they are right. I don't mean I physically sit around because I don't, but I do constantly check my phone checking for texts, etc.

Yes...I am still entirely way too clingy. And I am realizing that the reason I am not feeling better is because I keep going back and doing what I keep saying I am done doing.