Another New Day

[islander]

Here is the link to my last thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2140010&page=1


Hopefully I do better during this one!

[islander]

I text wife and asked her if she could pick up our dog in the morning bc I did not want to keep her anymore.

She said ok, then asked me a minute later if something else happened.

I did not respond, but was thinking about asking her like what, you saying you wanted to work on out M and move back home, then say just kidding?

I really wasn't going to say that.

[MrBond]

IMHO you should confront the OM. Your W is very vulnerable right now and he's playing the pity card so she feels stuck with him. There comes a time when a man needs to fight for his family. I'm not saying that you need to get in the guys face, but he's going to be playing the guilt card to your W.

After confronting him, then your W can make the decision. Right now if you stay dark and let the OM tug on her emotions, you're not going to get anywhere.

[islander]

Bond,
What real benefit do you see coming out of me contacting the OM. He has no honor, integrity, respect, or decency, and he is not going to care about anything that I have to say. He is only worried about himself.

I just don't see how that is going to help my sitch right now, if ever. Believe me, I have been thinking a lot about it, I just can't see any benefit. Feel free to try to open my eyes though.

I know this is not what I should be doing, but I think I am going to be meeting with my W on thursday morning to discuss things. The last time we did, I went dark afterward, but it seemed to have a positive impact, and withing 2 weeks I started noticing a change. She even said that for several weeks now she has been confused, which figures into the time that we spoke.

[islander]

And I am starting to think going dark os not the answer either but neither is trying to be her friend and act like everything is ok and I will just get over it so will you just be my friend and maybe we can all get together sometime

[MrBond]

The benefit is that he backs off and stops playing mind games with your W. Again this is your W we're talking about right? YOUR W. There comes a time in a man's life when he needs to start protecting his home from predators.

Again, I'm not saying that you need to get violent, etc. He is an intruder going into your home. He's not doing anything to respect your M or your W's feelings.

"He is only worried about himself." Which is why you tell him to leave YOUR W alone. Because you care and worry about her.

DO NOT go and have another talk with her. You will lose. Your W is in the middle of a tug of war between you and the OM. YOu have the upper hand because you are married to her. Stay friendly with her.

If you can't do that, then you will fail. No one said that you had to act like everything is okay. Show her your concern for her. Show her some compassion. Going over and saying "you better make up your mind or I'm gone" is not going to work. She would go to the OM because he doesn't force her to make a decision. It has to be done of her own free will. She will go to the one who she has the most emotional connection to.

The OM is just playing the pity card. It's time to deal that card out of the deck.

[islander]

As I am sure everybody can tell, I am having an extremely hard time dealing with what just happened. This actually hurts just as much, if not more than, when I first heard ILYBANILWY and found out about the A.

It is incomprehensible for me what has happened in the last week. When we spoke, WHEN SHE SPOKE, she had such emotion and feeling toward me. We talked about everything bw us, what has occurred and what is going to occurr. We talked about how we were going to get our M back on track. She said everything right, asked all of the the right questions.

THEN UP AND CHANGES HER MIND?????

How does a person do that. Her mom was talking to her Sunday night trying to figure her out, and my W told her that I was like a close friend to her. REALLY. I don't ever in my life recall treating, hurting, disrespecting, lying to, and emotionally abusing (which I believe she just did) a distant friend, let alone an enemy or stranger.

For the first time in months, my W was acting like my W. She said she did not know why she did what she did, but that she was not going to hurt me any more. That she loved me. WTF!!!!

And how do I just unhear and forget everything that we talked about for 3 hrs over 2 days.

I know, I am not driving the car. I was just pushed out of the car and asked if I needed a ride at the same time.

I am hurting, venting, and trying to process all of this.

I just can't imagine doing this to another person, let alone the person you love doing this to me.

I have been blind sided again.

[islander]

What would make OM back off if he doesn't care to begin with??

[♪CS♪]

I just can't imagine doing this to another person, let alone the person you love doing this to me.

She is not doing this TO you! She is not trying to hurt you. She is an extremely confused and scared person right now. I know it is hard, but you need to show some compassion for how hard this is on her as well right now.

[islander]

If this is hard on her, she sure makes it look easy.

I am going fishing tomorrow so I will not be using my phone all day. It should give me some time to think