Today was a hard day. I feel like marriage is worth fighting for, and it is just hard when you are fighting so hard (which at this point for me is working my butt off losing some weight, focusing on myself, and leaving home alone--which is the hardest part!!), and not getting any response back at all.
He is just so cold. I told him I'd like to be friends at some point last night, was very upbeat about it and everything, and he said, "Thank you, I appreciate that". But, like right after told me he's not coming back anywhere near me (which was his original plan). I may never see him again in person!
It's just soo hard to wait. I know that this is God teaching me to be patient, and to learn how to not be in control, and to be in a situation where I have no way to manipulate it. That is so difficult! But, it is nice to know that God already knows which decision my husband will ultimately make, and he also knows what I'll be doing for the rest of my life. There is a plan either way. That is soo comforting! It doesn't make it easy though. It still really hurts.
