contact has been pretty regular and positive (even if we have only been talking about logistical stuff)
today i went to her house to go through some stuff in the garage to see what i would want to take. i had planned on trying to apologize for some stuff and one thing specifically...
(warning: jerk alert!lol) when we were together she would send me articles all the time in emails... stuff that she had read that she thought i might be interested in. i always complained about this for some stupid reason... i would say things like "stop sending me spam... i don't want to sort through all this stuff) when in reality obviously it wasn't much stuff.
she would always get angry but i never realized how rude it was of me to belittle her for THINKING ABOUT ME during the day (cringe)
so, after i had gone through some stuff and was about to leave i stopped and said, "i want to say... one thing that i feel REALLY bad about is how much crap i used to give you when you would send me stuff to read in emails." she smiled and nodded.
then i said, "so i just wanted to say... if you read something that you think i would be interested in i would really appreciate it if you would send it to me." when i said this her eyes instantly welled up and she was about to cry. i quickly headed to my truck and said "just let me know if you need anything, ok?" and she nodded... i left.
i'm really encouraged by her emotion. it shows me that she isn't gone and still has a lot of pain that she has to deal with and things that i do can maybe go a ways towards healing the wounds.
what do you guys think? (especially sandi) lol
BITS
M 11/11/00 Bomb end of September 2010 Filed 11/9/10
I think it was a good move. Dwelling on the hurts of the past is not healthy, but realizing what you did, how it affected her and apologizing for it was a great example of validating.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
What, Any time you have a chance to apologize for something you are genuinely sorry for, it may not be a bad idea to do it. I would do it every time you see your W, because an apology does make the person receiving it think about the infraction. So, you don't want to constantly remind her of your transgressions. But, there is nothing wrong with apologizing when it is due and if it helps you to deal with your own pain. Remember though, if the apology is not accepted, don't beat yourself up. You can't control her reaction. You can only control the apology itself.
I commend you for your work, buddy!!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
I think you did something good, and she heard you. When people don't apologize for bad treatment they have doled out, we assume they are mean and uncaring. You don't know how much resentment builds up in a person who thinks her husband is mean and uncaring. You took a sledgehammer and knocked a chip out of the wall between you. She saw that you are not mean, you can be nice, and you do have some interest in her. You'd be surprised at the depth to which women are hurt when they think their husband is not interested in what they think and what they have to say.
