I am 21, and my husband is 22. We've been married for almost 2 and a half years, and he told me he "just wants to be friends" the week before Valentines day and both of our birthdays which made it so much worse. He said he just didn't feel like I loved him or was attracted to him anymore, and that he wasn't mad at me, he just felt like all we'd been for the past year was best friends who were also roommates. He'd been telling me this for awhile, I just didn't know how to fix it, and I'd been battling with depression badly.

I of course freaked out at first and treated him badly, I was very angry, but then I tried to keep my cool after that, smoothed things over, had my dad come to Colorado to get me so I could live in Florida with him for the time being and I left on a good note.

I learned about a week after the breakup that he was in a relationship with someone else who had been his "friend" during the time he was deciding this. (He met her online, and has never met her in person). I was really upset at that point, and told him I couldn't handle being friends at this point, and I told him of some things that were going on in my life and that I was doing well and that the breakup was a good idea for now, even though I don't believe in divorce.

After about a week, I told him I really missed him and I want things to work out eventually, and that I know I changed a lot after we got married, and I didn't love him like a wife should and that I'd like to be friends, and maybe work things out at some point. He said he doesn't see us working things out at all and he doesn't even want to be friends at this point because he "doesn't know who I am anymore". I took that very gracefully, and told him if he changes his mind, I am always here and haven't talked to him about anything serious since. Since then I have been only calling him about bills we are still paying together and being very positive. It's so so painful though.

I decided I would work on myself for at least a month (he will be coming down to Florida to stay with his parents at the end of March anyway) and I would try to contact him maybe mid-march for a casual thing, no pressure, so that he can see that I've changed some things without the pressure of me wanting to get back together.

Do you think he will be open to being friends any time soon? I know most of your advice is for people who see eachother on a regular basis, but what if he doesn't want to see me?

Another weird thing is that I was telling a mutual friend of ours about the breakup, and apparently my husband told him that the ow is just a friend which I think is weird. I wonder if he lied to me to get me to move on? Or if he's lying to his friends so he doesn't seem like a jerk? Or if he changed his mind, and they were going to try a relationship, but then he decided he wasn't ready yet or that she lived to far away before talking to his friend. I don't know, it just seems weird.

Anyway though, I've been working on myself, going to open mic nights and getting back into my music and songwriting. I've lost 27 pounds (10 before the breakup) and I've been going back to church and getting in touch with God. I feel like in only 1 month, I've already changed a lot and it feels good. To be honest, I would rather be where I am now, even if it means never seeing him again than be where we were before the breakup. Things weren't good. But, I'd like to get back to having a good relationship even more.

I've been reading a lot of books to help me figure out what went wrong exactly, and thinking about all the good times in our relationship (scrapbooking) trying to think of how we could get back to that point when we were ridiculously happy! I ordered divorce busing, and it should be in the mail tomorrow.

Any advice anyone can give would be greatly appreciated though! Thank you Michele for creating this forum. It's great to have somewhere to go to talk about this :] Sorry for such a long entry!