Let Us Be Outstanding Together - 2

[Busting Mode]

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Previous Thread: Let Us Be Outstanding Together

Me: 49
WAW: 42
Together: 4 1/2 years
Married: 8/9/10
Bomb Dropped: Nov/9/2010

Current status: 2 days ago (03/09/11) I received her notarized divorce papers. She is now waiting for me to sign and return them so she can make it final.


I had a great DB coaching session with Dottie on Monday. Right now my intention is to get my WAW to the DB table before I return the papers.

This just in, a couple of moments ago...

WAW:

How was your session??
Are you going to sign the papers?
I'm at work but you can email or try to call later if you'd like or call in am when I'm on my way home.

So now I must decide how to respond.
My first question is, do I call her or send an email.
And my second question is, what do I actually say?

Here is what I'm thinking...

The session was really helpful.

Gave me certainty on what I need to do for me, regardless of what happens with you and me in the future.

I'm not comfortable signing the papers yet, but I agree with what you said about best friends working together to figure out what is best.

The counselor suggested it might be more beneficial for you to speak with her alone, rather than having me there with you.

Are you be able to call her on Monday at 5 pm?


You all have been so hopeful.
May I have your feedback once again?

[Truegritter]

Busting

In all your communication I would refrain from telling her how you improved.

I would stick to facts:

My session went well.

I am not comfortable signing the papers at this point in time.

I am not saying I won't I just need some time.

The counselor suggested that it might be a good idea if you spoke to her alone first.

You are not going to TALK her out of anything or into anything Busting so just be polite, and validate her feelings.

Everything else right now is wasted breath.

I would send an email. It is easier to control your message and your responses.

[Busting Mode]

Thanks, Truth.

Right now we're going live with the play-by-play...

The reply I sent 30 minutes ago (before I saw your post):

The session was really helpful. Gave me certainty on what I need to do for me, regardless of what happens with you and I in the future.

I'm not comfortable signing the papers yet. I agree with what you said about best friends working together to figure out what is best.

Given how you are feeling, the counselor seemed to think it would be of more use to you not to have me on the call. But it's your choice whether we speak to her together, or you talk to her alone.

Are you be able to call her on Monday at 5 pm as planned?


Her reply 25 minutes ago:

I said I could not do 5 bc I'm teaching from 430-530 gosh don't you remember Why won't you sign the papers that so aggravates and frustrates me!
You say you will several times then you don't always contradicting yourself!
I'm so tired of all this really I am!


My response 20 minutes ago:

I'm sorry I didn't hear you are working next monday from 4:30 to 5:30 pm
and I never got the schedule you said you were going to send me.

I understand you are feeling frustrated. I am so tired of all of this as well.

You must understand that for me signing those papers is an irrevocable decision.

The moment I sign them you and I will be done forever and I will immediately start looking for someone else to share my life with.

I'm not going to apologize for first doing everything I can to be absolutely certain of my decision.

I told you the counselor was only available on Mondays. Is there another time this Monday that works better for you?

One good thing I've noticed is that I have been reluctant to count on people. I was thinking even the people on this board would not be here for me and I had to do this thing alone.

Even you, Truth. Part of me knew that you'd be here, and yet part of me was still reluctant to believe in you.

He/She/It sure does work in mysterious ways.

Will let you know as soon as she responds.

[Busting Mode]

One bad thing I have just noticed after seeing my response shared here is that I am still acting far too impatiently and impulsively.

Lord love a duck.

[Truegritter]

Even you, Truth. Part of me knew that you'd be here, and yet part of me was still reluctant to believe in you.

Busting I am here because you are here.

What I say to you comes from the experience I have learned being here, in my own sitch, what I believe in my own heart and mind.

It comes from who I am and what I have become because of this process.

Take what I say not as gospel but as another man who has been there.

YOU have to decide what is right for you and what YOU believe in.

And act accordingly. Without doubt.

Comes a day when that happens for you naturally

And it is when you leave your self doubt behind you.

You are responsible for that. No one here. Not your W.

You.

[Busting Mode]

her response just came back:

"Well start looking then."

now what?

[Busting Mode]

Truth,

My timing is a just a fraction off.

Posted that "now what" before i saw your post.

Thank you for being you.

Now what?

[Truegritter]

The moment I sign them you and I will be done forever and I will immediately start looking for someone else to share my life with.

Is this how feel? Is this what you believe?

A piece of paper that she has every right to demand and receive legally from you whether you want it or not is going to decide your life for you?

Did you think telling her that would change her mind right now?

I would not respond to her.

UNTIL

You figure out this: WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Was your goal to get her to do what you want because that is all she is hearing from you right now.

You want the M she doesn't. Right now or never maybe.

Nothing you SAY will change that.

How YOU live YOUR life might.

Might.

This is the end if you decide it is Busting.

Make sure what you decide you decide for YOU.

No regrets.

[Mach1]

"Well start looking then."

now what?

Maybe to stop saying things that will be difficult to enforce ( be it with her, or yourself )

And to stop asking questions you don't want the answers to...

That would be where I started.

[Busting Mode]

This feels like the hardest decision I have ever faced in my life.

One thing I am certain I want is a partner who I am able to make good decisions with.

I don't feel I have that with her right now.

But I know it is something that I want.