WAW and LBS

[greenblue90]

Bboom
I've been lurking your thread and I myself am well aware that the fog goes both ways sometimes. What makes us different from our WAW is that we can recognize it. Enjoy the good times and think about good things when the sitch goes sour. Don't let the fog rewrite your past. I believe WAW act the way they do to make pulling the band-aid of the divorce easier. Once they stop being WAW most of the ugly traits should go away. At least that's what I tell myself

[Sliver]

I suspect she has some guilt over not spending time with the

...or some guilt about the wedding. Listen boom, hope for the best but prepare for the worst. I'd bet the farm that this has gone further than she has let on.

When I look at W now, sometimes I see the person I married (the one I love) and sometimes I see someone I don't want to be with. It seems that the more I detach and GAL the less I want to be with her and the less I care about her and her WAW actions. Is this normal? If I do really good at detaching and GAL will I reach the point where I don't want her back? After all, she has broken my heart many times and I may reach the point where she no longer deserves me

This should be your goal. You need to know that you have options even if your situation ends in divorce.
You need to find it in yourself to KNOW that you will be OK with or without her.

I think you should also start doing some GALing by yourself. Remind yourself what life is all about and that you deserve better than the way your W is treating you. I'm not saying to go out and date but a conversation with an attractive female will go a long way to remind you that you have a lot to offer.

[bboom]

Silver,
Thanks for the words. It gives me something to ponder.

[OnMyWay]

One last note: When I look at W now, sometimes I see the person I married (the one I love) and sometimes I see someone I don't want to be with. It seems that the more I detach and GAL the less I want to be with her and the less I care about her and her WAW actions. Is this normal? If I do really good at detaching and GAL will I reach the point where I don't want her back? After all, she has broken my heart many times and I may reach the point where she no longer deserves me.

bboom,

this is exactly how I feel. Sometimes I catch a glimps of my W out of the corner of my eye or in passing or whatever, and I feel a great sense of comfort and peace knowing it's the "real" her. Then, I step back and look at her straight on and reality comes back to me rather quickly. It use to bother me when it happened, but I've gotten used to it and rather enjoy those little moments as sweet pleasures of a different time. I've learned love them.

It has, however, put my R with WAW in sharp focus. I know, deep in my heart, I love my W more than anything and cherish my memories of her. I now know my wife, the one I love so deeply, is no longer in existence except in those memories. The woman I look at today is someone else, entirely. My W is gone and I miss her dearly. She most likely will never be coming back. The only question which remains is what do I do with the woman still standing before me.

I can recognize this sense of calm comes from my near complete detachment. I sense she now feels it for the first time, as she seems to be changing. I spend enough time around her with our D that I can pick up on the little things. The biggest thing for me is that I see she's trying to gain some sort of control over our sitch and the only power she has left seems to be over our D. She certainly can't get to me anymore, as my life gets better and better every day. It's almost like this DBing stuff has just become a hobby to me - something I do for fun - as I don't really care if she decides to come back to me or not. I might even be better off without her. I certainly won't be so willing to compromise if she wants to come back and I won't put up with any of the sh!t she's pulled in the past!

From where I stand, it appears to me if we decide to reconcile, we will be starting from scratch in a brand new R. Right now I'm not interested in that at all - I see is a brighter future ahead of me and don't want to settle for less. The only thing keeping me where I am is my D want's me to keep trying and because my "word" still means something to me. Although, admittedly it's become more difficult as I know she's NOT the woman I married any longer and staying true to my word is a challenge. I KNOW I'll be ok if we decide to put this to rest for good.

[bboom]

Not much to update on my sitch. Had a good day at work. W just left to go out to watch the hockey playoff game with her girlfriends at a bar, and I don't care.

[sandi2]

Have you ever asked her if she and grandmother plan to take the children when she moves?

My W said she wants the kids to stay with me in the house so as not to disrupt their school routine.

I was being sarcastic.

[bboom]

I heeded some good advice from this forum and went out to a work happy hour tonight to GAL. Guess what, I had a great time. Actually spoke to some single women and realized that chicks dig me! It's been so long since I've been on the market that I forgot how to relate to the opposite sex. Not sure if I mentioned it before, but my W is pretty hot. I was having a confidence crisis in the last few months, but I think I still have it. If I got a hottie to marry me 17 years ago, I can find another one. Actually had a nice long chat with an attractive woman I know from work and she gave me her card with her cell number on the back.
I arrived home and checked up on the kids. W was in bed staring at her cell, probably for my benefit just to get my attention. I said hi and went downstairs. Had a great day, nothing my W can say or do now can take that away from me.

[OnMyWay]

bboom, that is awesome!!! Nothing like some good ol' attention from the opposites sex to boost a man's ego. It did wonders for me in my sitch. My W noticed instantly.

Good for you. You make me proud! Keep up the good work.