first post dealing w/mlc H

[jrr7]

My first post...not sure how this goes but got the bomb dropped 4 months ago. H used to be happiest, most loving, appreciative. H had his 40th birthday last month which he was DREADING. H has intense, demanding job that he Loves for past few years. I said few weeks prior to bomb that I felt like he loved job more than us. Apparently it got him thinking and 2 weeks later said the dreaded "I love you but am not in love with you," thinks he hasn't loved me really ever, is not happy, doesn't feel a connection, hasn't ever felt loved by me, hasn't gotten his needs met. I suggested IC and MC to which he agreed. For first 2 months was DBing and owning all of my stuff, showing and telling him that I want different/better marriage. Then he tells me he had an A with 27yo from work. He said it was just a few weeks of emails and one night together but then he cut it off saying he didn't want to be distracted from figuring out what he wants to do about his marriage. He has not taken any responsibility other than to say that he should have been more honest with himself and me about his feelings. I suggested MLC and depression and he got incredibly defensive. It is all my fault that he is unhappy. He told me last night he wants to move out. I scheduled call with DB coach for tomorrow but we're supposed to talk tonight about "logistics." I want to conduct myself with dignity and in a way that I can feel good about, but I am DEVASTATED. Any specific help with how to handle the "separation logistics discussion would be appreciated.

[fisherman]

separation logistics discussion would be appreciated.

That's going to be a tough one at this point. We really don't have enough details.

Is there a way you can postpone this conversation until you speak to your coach?

If not, then tell him you don't have an answer yet if anything comes up that you're unsure of.

Read and learn as much as you can here. Understanding what and who you're dealing with helps a ton.

[fisherman]

I'm sorry you are going through all of this. This board is a great place for help, support, and growth.

[jrr7]

Thanks for your kind reply. Not sure how to navigate around the forums. Where do I find the best info on MLC on this site?

[fisherman]

I can't stress how important it is to keep your composure.

Remain calm and try your best to keep your emotions in check if/when you have this discussion.

Emotions + decisions = bad news

Do not get sucked into an argument or fall into the trap of constantly defending yourself.

Maybe it would be wise to be a little more quiet and sit back and see where the discussion goes.

Again, if you are unsure of anything or you don't feel comfortable committing to something, tell him you need some time to think about it.

[KarenMarieS]

jrr
If you look at the first few threads on this page (Its about 7) click there and start reading! Lots of good info in a bunched package for you.
A lot of great info and help
of course , reading others threads helped me many moons ago when I came here. Just dig in
Good Luck to you!

[fisherman]

You'll pick up a lot of good info just reading the posts of others. Try to find a few who have been here a while and you can really relate with and follow along.

Don't be afraid to post on other people's threads. Make some new friends!

Cadet usually posts the mlc resources, I believe he recently posted them on Meganna's "MLC Purgatory" thread on page two of the board.