sorry I know how painful this all is AJ is right try to breathe..so now you know the truth and the truth is better than lies see a Lawyer and know youe rights, but dont tell H Ignore the GF and do not answer her, politely ask for her not to contact you again she is obviously very sick as most of the OW are
practice letting him go I believe in the long run It will be best all around to let him go peacefully try to not discuss his choices with him ..do not crititize his moves, try to be understanding I know its kind of fake, but it will keep things peaceful and he will be more cooperative, and supportive badmouthing will make him hostile and he is not going to change his mind at this point you can bash him in therapy or to us--It will give you time to heal .. let the kids see mom handle this with grace and dignity and do not bad mouth him to them you can get through this you are NOT ALONE--we have all been there peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
We have all been there. The anxiety diet, the insomnia, the pain, the fear. This site helps you get through it whether it works out or not.
Just make sure you are taking care of your self and making your self happy. Whether it be working out, therapy, having a good support group. Why? you need to be OK for your kids. Clearly, your H is figuring himself out as my W did. Whatever you do, don't blame or say bad things about him to the kids. It is easy to fall into that trap. I blamed my W for what she is doing to the kids. I am 16 months into a $40,000 divorce that I am paying for..Believe me, there are alot of things I could say.. I made some mistakes early on about talking about her affair to people in the community. Big Mistake...It can always get back to your kids maybe not today, but in years to come.
It will take a long time to get through everything. I too had the feeling of did I ever really love this person. I did learn along the way through the divorce process, that because of the way I was treated in the marriage, I had changed too and wasn't the same person to her either...
Stay strong. Try not to have any arguments in front of the kids. If it helps, bringing the kids to therapy can't hurt either. I did that with mine and it has helped. Actually, my W and i did that together.
You will find someone new someday. I caution you to wait at all costs. You will think you are ready. Trust me your not. As soon as my W moved out(we were separated for almost a year under same roof)I started dating. Thought I met the one. Turns out she may be the one, but I am no where ready for a marriage, moving in, etc...I wouldn't be surprised if your H figures that out soon enough..
I do hope it works out and you two can find each other again, however, if you don't this place helps you get ready..
Remarried 6 mo S 12 S 13 S 16 SD 12 SD 16 SD 17 SS 19
Talked to H today, he told me it is over with OW, because she is CRAZY! He is a bit scared of her because she is so nuts. He let me verbally abuse him for a good 30 minutes, then started sobbing and saying he doesn't want to get divorced, he wants another chance, he loves me, he'll do whatever it takes, etc.
I am on information overload. Not sure if I can ever forgive him. Need time to think, and of course I'm afraid of the dreaded "fake reconcile" I keep reading about. Not that I'd let him come home or move fast, but....I dunno.
J3B- Honestly it felt good to tell her a bit of what I think of her, and also to know she is wacko, although it did get scary as it progressed. She was talking about being my girls stepmom, and that freaked me out.
Me- 35 H- 36 M- 7 T- 9 D3, D5 Bomb 1/21/11 EA/PA began 12/10? Discovered A 3/2/11 S- 3/3/11 OW gone- 4/27/11 H says he wants to reconcile, but lacking action
Aww, sweetie, I am so happy for you. Regardless of what you decide or how it all works out, it's wonderful that he broke down and admitted how much he loves you. I'll keep following, but you're beyond me now you need some people who've been here and can help you navigate the tricky part and avoid a fake reconciliation/decide what you want out of all this.
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
smart to go very slow and see what today brings continue to take care of yourself and try to not get sidetracked by H counseling for both of you will be helpful time will tell if he is serious or not keep expectations low if he is really in MLC it will still take time and therapy for him to really pull through Peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
H still continues to make promises. He says he wants to change his life and be a better person, husband, father, etc. I suggested he read "Awakening at Midlife" and he borrowed my copy yesterday. I told him he has a lot of changing to do if I would ever even want him back. I will no longer accept him as he was. And even if he changes I still may not be able to forgive his infedility or trust him again.
The good news is that God (it must be Him) is filling me with an undescribable peace. I am ok. I am strong. I am not worried about tomorrow anymore. I do not want this feeling to ever go away.
Me- 35 H- 36 M- 7 T- 9 D3, D5 Bomb 1/21/11 EA/PA began 12/10? Discovered A 3/2/11 S- 3/3/11 OW gone- 4/27/11 H says he wants to reconcile, but lacking action
you need some people who've been here and can help you navigate the tricky part and avoid a fake reconciliation/decide what you want out of all this.