Once a waw, always a waw ?

[Redo]

Since i have more time nowadays with my WAW away, and talking to some friends and some family, i began to think.

Say WAS comes back to you after the supreme efforts you put into get your sitch on track. What's to say that the spouse will not leave again?

I know that there are no guarantees in life, but boy after all this hell to get your wayward spouse back, would you again wanna be on the same boat where spouse again leaves you?

Are we trying to get back our spouses because we know that the alternative: second marriages have a much higher divorce rates?

I am little worried that say even if my wife comes back and try try counseling, and hopefully say our marriage gets back on track. But say again W is upset about something that goes on in our life(hell this is life. There are always bumps). Whats to say that she might again just quit on me. I think i might just hang up the towel if it happens the second time around.

Just curious to see what people think here.

[ninelives]

MY WAW did come back but only in body. She contiued her affair and did not try to get back on track. I asked her repeately during the piecing for us to make a plan on what we want in the marriage but she kept blowing me off. ( an not in that good way that she used to, LOL) So she got caught in OCt in her affair and she is a WAW again.

There are never guarantees.

9

BITS

[JustStunned]

I think this is a common fear among LBS. Certainly I have it.

This is why we DB. From others here I have come to believe DB’ing doesn’t stop if you reconcile. I have to accept the old R, the one W is running from is done. We have to choose to work on a new R.

We as LBS are doing what we can to better ourselves, to make ourselves whole for the next R. We hope that next new R is with the WAS, but we must accept it may not be, as both of us the LBS and WAS must chose to make it so. We cannot control what the WAS chooses to do now or later down this stony gnarly path.

[LearningPatience]

Karma, you've touched upon one of my fears, the repeat WAW. We're both on 2nd M, so the odds are already against us. When W and I first met, before dating, she told me that she has problems with R. Red flag I know So far I think I'm the longest, or close to the longest R she's had.

I know that I contributed a lot to our current sitch, but I also feel sometimes that W would rather give up than fight for a R. My hope is that when (not if) we get back together we've both learned enough to be able to handle all the ^*^&^% life throws at us (and boy, it's thrown a lot at us so far!)

Would I go through this again? I really don't know. Probably, but you never know...

[Redo]

I do have to apologize about the topic heading. I meant to use "WAS" instead of "WAW". I know there are lot of great gals here that here in the same boat as us guys.

[tdb68]

MK,

It all depends on YOU and what you feel, it you look at my sitch, I am actually on round 3 of WAW... Maybe I am being foolish to even try again, but, I know how good it got in between, and it keeps me going.. It is very much an individual thing, only you know how much you can stand and how much you can put up with. I can tell you from my own experience of being here multiple times, you get hardened to it (not necessarily a good thing, but reality) ..just a little.. but it still hurts, although this time.. I keep telling myself this is her "third strike", and now I am GAL, and really considering how much more I want to put into it, if it is going to repeat again.. Always remember, it is your choice in the end, nobody else can tell when. just my opinion

[Redo]

MK,

It all depends on YOU and what you feel, it you look at my sitch, I am actually on round 3 of WAW... Maybe I am being foolish to even try again, but, I know how good it got in between, and it keeps me going.. It is very much an individual thing, only you know how much you can stand and how much you can put up with. I can tell you from my own experience of being here multiple times, you get hardened to it (not necessarily a good thing, but reality) ..just a little.. but it still hurts, although this time.. I keep telling myself this is her "third strike", and now I am GAL, and really considering how much more I want to put into it, if it is going to repeat again.. Always remember, it is your choice in the end, nobody else can tell when. just my opinion

Man i really have lot of respect for your patience and strength of heart here. Yes you are right. when it does work, all the bad things that happened are quickly forgotten. Problem with me is that i am waay too attached emotionally to my wife. I guess once you go through detachment and DB through your life as others have said here, i guess you are prepared for whatever gets thrown your way.

[KarenR]

MK, yes men and women both go thru the hurt of a WAS. Have you talked to a coach yet? This is exactly the type of situation that they can guide you with. You will have a much clear picture of what it is you need to do and what to expect. The posters here are correct, the relationship will change, but you want it to...so that you are battling the same issues again. I wish you the best.

[KarenR]

Also, you should know that over the years, we see have seen hundreds of WAS' return to the family and have a better relationship than ever:)

[Redo]

MK, yes men and women both go thru the hurt of a WAS. Have you talked to a coach yet? This is exactly the type of situation that they can guide you with. You will have a much clear picture of what it is you need to do and what to expect. The posters here are correct, the relationship will change, but you want it to...so that you are battling the same issues again. I wish you the best.

Thanks Karen. Nope, planning on scheduling some soon. I guess whats ironical is that my wife left saying that she could not trust me to improve myself emotionally. But now when she did this, i am worried about trusting her again on not leaving our marriage again. But guess if i learn to trust myself on how effectively i can manage our marriage, this feeling might go down.