MLC always involve affair(s)?

[meganna]

Hi, I am new here and this is my first post. I will post my entire sitch later, but right now I am wondering is it possible for a MLC to happen without an affair?

Also, how does a mom with 2 young kids GAL? I need suggestions that don't involve me leaving my kids home alone with H too often (he still lives at home). I love my kids to death and want to spend as much time as possible with them, and don't feel H pays enough attention to them.


Me-35
H-36
M-7
T-9
Kids- D2,D4
Bomb- 1/21/11
Still lives at home, deciding if he wants to work on us or not, very confused

[courageous wife]

HI meganna and welcome to the board but sorry you are here!

I am wondering is it possible for a MLC to happen without an affair?

MLC does not ALWAYS involve a spouse having an A but seems to happen a lot. If not an A then usually some other kids of addiction...drugs, alcohol, porn, spending money etc. And, sometimes more than one of these things.

The important thing right now is to take care of you and your babies!!!

Galing with you kids can be as simple as taking your kids to the park for an afternoon! Your kids are young and will enjoy almost anything with Mommy!

You also need to GAL for you and that could be as simple as getting your hair or nails done, going for a walk, coffee or a movie with a girlfriend!!!

[Cyrena]

Hi Meganna,

As CW says, many people make it through their MLC without having an affair. It also depends how far along they are--my H didn't start his Emotional Affair until 2 years in to his own MLC. One thing they do all share is depression--has your H become depressed? The confusion you mention is often a sign of MLC as well.

As for the GALing, do you know another mom with whom you could have regular babysitting trades? Your children would probably welcome the regular "playdates," and it would free up some time for you to find a GAL activity.

I look forward to reading your entire sitch.

[punkin]

Hi Meganna,

I don't believe men always have affairs, but often it is used as their 'ticket out' Either to leave under their own steam or you to make them leave. Only after the devestation of the 'bomb dropping' do most of us take a serious long retrospective look at our marriage. Now we see things that we shrugged off in the past, accepted weak excuses, strange behaviors that indicate the MLC was going on long before the A ever did.

If you were wise enough to realize your H was in turmoil before an A ever happened, good for you, and your H is a very lucky man. Depression is a dangerous, insidious thing. If your husband is showing these signs, you have come to the right place. There are some very smart people here, who have seen and heard it all.

Again, welcome. There will be some suggested reading comeing your way. Read it. It helps understand so much.

[meganna]

Well, I found out yesterday that H is having an affair. Checked the cell phone records and reverse look-up. I am devastated. I told him he needs to either stop the A and work on our marriage or leave. He decided to stop the A but leave anyway to "work on himself." I'm going to post my whole sitch in a new thread so it will make more sense. I really need help right now.

[braveheart]

A MLC Almost always involves an affair. I have been around these boards for 5 years and I can't count any, or any that I remember that didn't involve an affair. Just goes with the territory unfortunately!

[MrBond]

Not all MLC'ers have an A. I'm on several MLC boards and many of the people just feel the need to "escape" their current lives believing that it's everything else that's wrong and not them.

The OP is just another way of escaping.