Maybe I should just get things over with -Confused

[Queen_of_Swords]

Been thinking a lot today.
A LOT.
I'm starting to believe there is absolutely no chance of reconciliation.
H. has said to me he isn't coming back. He's told members of my family the same thing.
He's told others he misses our children and finds that difficult.
Doesn't talk about me, doesn't talk to me. It's apparent he has no interest on any level in even communicating with me beyond the superficial or necessary, and often not even the necessary!

I don't want my old marriage back.

I believe now he's been having at minimum an EA for a long time, and has possibly now got another woman in his life. I'm not stupid and he was awfully secretive about his text messages and computer stuff before he walked. I never bothered to ask because without trust, there isn't much. That may have been a major mistake on my part.

So far he's not talked to our children about the situation he initated at all. Made no further moves to D that I am aware of beyond taking a parenting course required by the powers that be.

We don't even have a SA in place. I have initiated nothing either, because I believed it was not in my best interest, the kids' best interests, and with the aim to reconciliation.

I am waiting for the other shoe to drop, or him to introduce kids to an OW.

I'm still chaste, but I won't say I haven't been looking for a guy to hang out with and have fun with. I miss male companionship, talk, and there is only so much GAL I can afford to do to suit my desires.

Granted , it seems I've made some small progress with DBing, but with H in MLC ( confusion. rewriting history, physical ailments, etc.) I don't see a whole lot of hope. He sounds like he's made up his mind. I am not what he wants under any circumstances.

Before D papers end up in my mailbox, or Daddy introduces his new female friend, I feel I should at least be dating and looking out for my own need for male companionship and fun.

If he doesn't care or love me,I can't make him care and it won't matter who I date or sleep with now or in the future.

I was standing for my marriage, now I'm not so sure I should.

I don't want the marriage I had, and I don't want a man who breaks his vows and promises and has been dishonest and vague with me, a man that neglected me, and expected me to be responsible for almost everything by default, a man that ran away and blamed me for everything.

[barbsing1]

"I don't want the marriage I had, and I don't want a man who breaks his vows and promises and has been dishonest and vague with me, a man that neglected me, and expected me to be responsible for almost everything by default, a man that ran away and blamed me for everything.

Sigh. I can really relate to this. I haven't been at this nearly as long as you, but I am exhausted"

I think my H is in MLC, but not sure. A lot of what he says sounds like MLC "script"

H just told me yesterday that he does not love me, has no hope for our future, thought about reconciliation but has decided against it because he can't see any "sweetness" in me (it's hard to always be sweet knowing H is having an affair with his ex-wife) and when asked why he does not file, responded that he would consider it if he could afford an atty.

Anyway - sorry for hijacking your post.

I also struggle with knowing whether to stand or cut my losses. I also long for male companionship. I also do not want our old marriage back. Sometimes I think it would be best to just rip the bandaid off. But there are other days where I am reminded of other posters who tell us all to be patient and to stay the course because this is long and hard work.

Hang in there. Be good to yourself. Know you are amazing and never fall for the "it was all your fault" routine - one that apparently you and are are both used to believing.

By the way, what does BITS stand for?

[Queen_of_Swords]

Thanks for your response and empathy. I think I'm in a dip here.

BITS = Brothers ( BabesO In the Sh*t