ugh... help me respond to this please

[what next?]

when my wife said she was going to file i told her to just give me her ring that i didn't care about anything else
if she wanted a divorce to give me the ring and everything else was a formality that she would be divorced she freaked out and started googling the etiquette of who gets the ring then in the divorce she specifically asked for it to stay with her.

then tonight she sends me this email:


Hey, there's a few last things to take care of including signing the quit deed form (notary needed) and signing over titles, etc - I think there's a 10 day timeline from 2/23 for tying up loose ends other than the payoff of the car. I thought maybe later this week we could meet at a tag agency where there's a notary to get it all done assuming I have the boxter paid off. I think you'll have to have proof of insurance on the durango & boxter when we sign over the titles. (?)

I'm going to see if Israel Diamond Supply will take back the ring & for how much - if it's enough, I think I can get the car paid off & we can sign over both titles at the same time depending on insurance/lien release.

Have you contacted the tax accountant? I'm going to get my stuff together to send him this week.

I have your mail and a few other things - I think a check came in the mail so if you need it before we meet, we can arrange something. I've tried to change the address on anything I've seen come through the mail (bills, magazines, etc). I'm going to delete your two cox email accounts later this week.

If you think of anything else, let me know. How was your interview (assuming that's why you went to Houston)? Still having fun with nephew? He looks a lot like you & your sister at that age

[2stepboogie]

Next:

Everything she mentioned is merely a formality. Take some time before responding. Don't respond right away. This is not some strategy to make her want you it is only to clear your head and respond calmly.

Any contact at this point is good contact.

She does not have ask how your interview went. She did not have to make any comment apart from the logistics.

She did.

In many ways you are beginning your DB path now. Don't spoil the oppurtunity with feelings of anger or despair. NOW is the time to focus and think clearly.

[what next?]

she knows that the ring was very important to me though. I don't understand why she wants to twist the knife. I guess that my tentative plan is to ask her to find out how much they will give her for the ring and then offer to buy it from her for that much.

[FellOnBlackDays]

What, remember, it is less painful for her if she keeps it "business like." My W did the same thing and is still doing the same thing. Keeping it business-like so that she doesn't have to face the pain she is handing out. No one likes to face the fact that they are killing someone they love...

BITS never walk alone!!

FOBD

[what next?]

I can see that but she knows that mentioning the ring will just be knife twisting. She could have sold the ring and used the money for whatever she wanted and never told me any of it. She told me that knowing that it would hurt. How should I respond?

[FellOnBlackDays]

I don't know. That is a tough one for me because I am doing the same thing. I was told to leave it alone, but I am not sure how I feel about that.

FOBD

[Queen_of_Swords]

It is YOUR perception she is turning the knife.
YOURS.
She may not have even taken into account how much ( even though you said so) the ring means to you. For her it may have been that much babble going in and out.

If she is truly trying to twist the knife, are you going to give her that power to hurt you?
It is after all just a ring. If she values it that little, your feelings so little, why would you let her have that satisfaction.

However as 2step pointed out. Her communication was friendly.

Hmmm a contradiction.

[what next?]

she has been all contradiction through this process. Her tone was the most painful thing for me to understand. When she would be talking to me like I was a neighbor she had a dispute with instead of like the man she had just spent her whole adult life with.

She didn't have to tell me that she was going to sell the ring... she could have just came with the money and signed over the title. That was calculated I am 100% sure. On the one hand that is good... it's not indifference but on the other hand it hurts.

[Queen_of_Swords]

I'm in the same boat. Given as much emotional warmth and consideration as a co-worker, maybe less.
It's part of the WAS mindset. Remember in their minds they are DONE. They have no reason to be kind or considerate. You, in their eyes destroyed the marriage and the love between you.
They acknowledge their part in the disintgration with their mouths, but their actions say, I blame you.

[what next?]

so when does it start to sink in for them that they have made a mistake? lol