Cautiously Optimistic

[Queen_of_Swords]

Well I don't know who has or has not been following my journaling efforts, but it seems things are looking up just a little.
I had a DB counselling session a little while ago where the counsellor made an absolutely brilliant suggestion.
I have been implementing it since he mentioned it and I'm seeing a little light now.
It's even getting a (very) little flirty!
The suggestion? Well it's about saying no.
I don't take "no" or disagreement well, it was and sometimes is a personal ouch.
I am learning how to handle it better than I have.
My H. has a very difficult time saying no, and doesn't feel respected or heard.

So every day for the last while, I've been texting him requests, some are true requests or suggestions, some are just silly, some are about personal indulgence, some are possible but the probability is high that H will refuse. I don't push it and keep it light.

It's been fun, and even resulted in meeting for lunch! Plus, he seems to enjoy the contact and has prolonged the text messaging on occassion.

[Redo]

Hey that's not a bad idea. But does this categorize under pursuing?
Good idea though. Thanks!

[Queen_of_Swords]

I thought it might be too.
But I did approach it in the manner the counselor suggested.
I broached this with the H. saying I needed help desensitising myself to rejection, and would he be willing to help me with it?
He was willing to, so here we are.

[Redo]

I thought it might be too.
But I did approach it in the manner the counselor suggested.
I broached this with the H. saying I needed help desensitising myself to rejection, and would he be willing to help me with it?
He was willing to, so here we are.

Nice!!!

[zengypsy]

Scylla - Sounds like you had a great DB'g session. I think he gave great advice obviously if it's working!!!!

You and I are alike in this manner:
"I don't take "no" or disagreement well, it was and sometimes is a personal ouch.
I am learning how to handle it better than I have.
My H. has a very difficult time saying no, and doesn't feel respected or heard"

I hope thru all my therapy and DB'g that I'm able to communicate my feelings better and not take things so personally. I haven't really had a significant chance to practice on H and probably won't in the very near future, but I remain hopeful that one day all this hard work has paid off. Thank you for keeping that window of hope alive.

[Queen_of_Swords]

Zen part of the problem is we have not been taught how to handle it effectively. It all goes into the bucket of " you are not acceptable, you are not worthy, you don't matter, I don't like you."

If you break it down and are able to categorize the type of rejection it is, it becomes easier to handle.
It all hurts but

1)...it's not a big deal. It's not true and once that person knows me better they'll know I'm not that way.
2) .. but it's not a big deal. It's not true, and that person is very negative and nothing I do or say will change their mind.

3)...it is true, and it is a flaw I have, but I'm working to change that the best I can, and on balance I have more strengths than weaknesses.

[zengypsy]

I learned alot about this in my therapy sessions. My C was freakin' amazing and totally kicked my butt in the 8 mos I went to her. If insurance didn't prevent me from continuing my path with her, I'd still be going@

BTW...you should check out the DB site on FB. There are many good articles there that you would probably like and help you. Just an added bonus to the process.

You are doing great - keep it up!

[Denver_2010]

Yes, you should check out the DB page on FB... very informative.

BITS
Denver

[Queen_of_Swords]

Well it seems to happen this way, I start to feel good about little steps and then something happens to make me feel like I'm stumbling. Augh!

[Bolt]

that's very typical SC. So at least you know you're doing the right thing. Now to continue doing the right thing, recognize that fact and keep pushing forward!