Right now I am thinking of a scene from the movie Castaway. Guy gets stranded on a deserted island for several years, comes home to find that his wife has married another man. The life and plans he once had are gone forever.
The scene I am thinking of is where he says something to the effect of "I'm so sad that she is gone. But I'm so grateful I had her with me all that time."
Right now my wife is not about to marry any other man. And she doesn't believe that I am dead. When it comes right down to it, all she believes right now, Is that as long as she stays with me there is no hope of getting her true needs met. No hope of having her dreams come true.
After yet another sleepless night, this morning I have realized that more than anything else, it is my lack of hope, maybe even my lack of faith, that is keeping me feeling desperate and defeated.
But what if I knew I could not fail? What if I could actually prepare myself to overcome any obstacle, stay on course for as long as it takes to get there, and still make my dreams go?
The past few days have been really hard for me because I have been suffering from a lack of hope. A lack of faith. A lack of confidence. And a lack of focus.
The other day my business partner asked me to revise my 6 month vision for myself, and I found I couldn't do it. No matter how hard I tried, I simply could not envision the lifestyle I desire, without somehow including my wife in the picture.
The Castaway also had a picture of his wife and life in mind that kept him going through his despair. He had no idea what would happen each day that he got up alone, No idea what would happen when he finally got up the courage to face his greatest fears and finally leave the place he had been stranded.
When he set himself on the tides to see where they would lead. All he had was a wing and a prayer. And the door from a porta-potty. Which he made into a sail.
He simply made the best of what he had. And left the rest to God, Nature, or whatever you want to call It.
Right now I feel like I'm preparing to set myself on the tides. I have a dream of somehow crossing the vast unknown that lies ahead, and one day reuniting with my wife.
But right now there is nothing she can do for me. Right now she is feeling lost-at-sea herself.
To save us both from drowning I must now play a bigger game than I have ever played before. I must now become a bigger man than I have ever been before. And I must be a more humble, yet confident, passionate and exciting man than I have ever been before.
All my life I've been really big on words. Taken all kinds of action, too Done some amazing things. Made some colossal errors. But experience is what you get when you didn't get what you asked for, And at this point in my life I have enough experience to know that when we are in our Highest Power anything is possible. And the truth is there is no seperation. We are always in our Highest Power. In God we dwell.
So this morning I am choosing to remember that anything is possible. And I am creating my plan to cross the ocean. But I don't want to do it alone on a raft without anyone else around. No. Right now I really don't want to be alone. Right now I am still feeling pretty scared and vulnerable. And no false sense of bravado will ensure that my family and I will survive.
Right now half my family is lost to me. I would like you to help me get them back. Will you help me face my fears? Will you help me to prepare? Will you help me navigate for awhile?
In exchange I will gladly help you in any way I can, as well. A couple of weeks ago I set myself a course to become an outstanding Husband, Father, Friend, Lover and Partner. This morning I have a clear, albeit challenging view of what that actually looks like, for the next 6 months at least. In my next post I'll tell you more about my plans and the challenges I foresee.
Thank you all for listening, for supporting and encouraging me and others along the way, and for continuing to believe in your Self and Love.
Cheers,
Mike
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
On a spreadsheet I have already outlined for myself exactly what I want.
No need for a lot of details here, other than to fulfill on all of my promises to myself, and in order to get to the point where my wife no longer has to work (even she is no longer my wife) and I can financially support our family on my own...
I have calculated I must be netting at least $300 every day.
From where I am right now, it's hard to say how long it is going to take to get there, but I know that until I'm actually doing it, one thing I will have to overcome is my fear of her sleeping with another man.
More than anything else, that is something I must let go, because the fear of that is driving me insane, and so far it hasn't even happened.
I know there are plenty of strong and loving people on these boards who have been willing and able to work through that pain, so I must trust that if ever it came down to that, then I could work through it, too.
Fortunately, when my head is screwed on straight I don't even need to think of that. When I am simply present and seeing what is real, rather than what's imagined, then all is well in my world.
So basically I plan to have the ability for her to comfortably quit her job, before May 31st, 2011. I had originally promised us I would do that for her, before she had a miscarriage back in October.
By doing this, I will be forcing myself to do two very important things.
1. Overcome my doubts and insecurities.
2. Become the man that I must be in order to be truly happy with myself. (Yes, I am generally happy with myself. I'm just not as happy with myself as I would like.)
So that's a pretty good start. Only other thing to remember at the moment is The Castaway didn't just act on impulse. He carefully planned, prepared, and took massive action.
For me baby steps are no longer gonna do it. I must now stride confidently in the direction of my dreams.
Each day I must be at my best to have and do the things that I desire for myself and for my family.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
Inspirational post for sure Busting. Keep up on positive thoughts. Keep moving toward your goals. Be proud of yourself and stand tall. You're not alone and never will be.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
It's been 3 days since I have heard from "The WAW."
I think "The WAW" is how I'm going to start referring to My Beckie on these boards, because it will help me to detach and keep my distance.
It's not My Beckie that has closed the door. My Beckie really wants to let me in. It's just that right now an alien has invaded her. A demon has possessed her. Right now The WAW who has taken over my poor Beckie is pulling all her strings.
So I can no longer afford to let The WAW pull my strings, while My Beckie remains so scared and powerless, all bottled up and trapped by some really dangerous and limiting beliefs.
Remember. Right now she believes that she knows me and that I will never change. And because of that, she believes she can never be truly happy or fulfilled with me, so her only option is to leave me and hope to find it somewhere else.
Those beliefs are fatal to our family. Allowing them to defeat us is no longer on the table.
Fortunately, I have some great experience helping people change beliefs. That means to really help Beckie with her beliefs and prove it can be done, first I'm gonna have to start by improving some of my own disempowering beliefs.
To begin:
Q: Where am I feeling a loss of power at the moment?
A: Right now I am feeling ineffective in my work, incredibly overwhelmed, and unable to get things done. Right now I feel like I am spending more time beating myself up, acting like a victim, and letting my mind indulge itself rather than directing my thoughts and being fully engaged in whatever I am doing at the time. Rather than feeling present, receptive and free-flowing, I have been feeling really stuck.
I have been feeling really stuck.
Whoa.
SOLUTION
First, I must remember that I am an Original Source. A Conscious Co-Creator. A Master of making things happen very quickly, and often very easily.
From yoga I have learned about Kriyas and action leading to direct manifestation. From business and in life I have learned about instant manifestation, and how quickly tides can turn.
And from my teachers I have learned how to manage things really well. I have learned and practicing cultivated a sense of presence, relaxation, flow.
I have also learned how to focus, listen, and be a highly effective person.
All these things are true.
Now.
What is the one thing I can do or focus on today, that will make the biggest difference in my day?
Ah. Relax. LTFU.
Lighten. The F**k. Up.
Next Post: Mikes Patented Belief Busting Balm
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
Many years ago I wrote a book on helping people overcome addictions. In the book, I described a 7 Step method to improve any unwanted behavior.
It was based on the acronym I.M.P.R.O.V.E., my reasoning being that the better we feel about ourselves, the better we do for ourselves, so it really makes no sense to continue beating ourselves up and focusing on our failures.
So today I am going to I.M.P.R.O.V.E myself for me! IDENTIFY THE REAL NEED:
Today I just need to feel good about myself and catch up with my work.
MAKE IT ESSENTIAL:
If I don't feel better about myself and catch up on my work immediately then I will continue feeling and acting like a victim, my business partners will abandon me, and I will never get off this island! I will remain stranded here in this cold and concrete dirty basement even longer! Worst of all, failing to get 'er done will prove to Beckie she was right about me! If I continue thinking, feeling and acting the way I was, I will never win back my wife!!!
PICK SOME NEW BELIEFS:
Old belief: There's no way I can do it. New belief: We can make Our Love do anything we want. And I can make MY Love do anything I want!!! HOLY SHEEP SH*T!!!
WOW!
REPLACE THE BEHAVIOR (To better meet the need.)\ Old behaviors:
Letting my mind and body wander unproductively. Forcing my mind and body to sit and work together. Holding tension in my body. Keeping my facial muscles blank and rigid. Avoiding setting my countdown timer and designing my results in advance.
New behavior for today:
Today I'm just gonna take it easy, be less structured in my day, and just commit to getting 6 MGA units in (6 x 45 minute Money Generating Activities) anytime today, before I sleep tonight.
No pressure! Just relax and you'll get 'er done, Son!
OVER AND OVER AGAIN:
Of course, in order to condition this new way of thinking, feeling and behaving, I can't just do it once. I'm must now start practicing it in a variety of situations and conditions.
Awesome! Right now with no access to my home and without even my own apartment, I have plenty of time and space to practice being true to me wherever it is I am!
VALIDATE YOUR PROGRESS:
Yes. The time I am spending now to take care of my mind and body is vitally important. I love myself. I am totally awesome. Today I am the possibility of being fully present every waking moment.
ENVIRONMENTAL SUPPORT:
Wow. I am truly blessed. Thank you once again to Michelle. Virginia, all the DB staff and coaches, and especially each of you who is fighting the good fight. Couldn't ask for a more loving and supportive environment than what's always available to us right here on these boards.
Together we will do it. Together let's win the day.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
BM, I LOVE your thread. Please keep this going as I find your words very inspirational.
Keep positive. You are doing a great job.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Some lingering uncertainty about how much too show my wife I really want her, but I feel I'm maintaining a pretty good balance between showing interest and detachment.
The good news is I am feeling much better about myself, I know I'm being true to myself, and I'm really not so worried about what she says or does right now.
Weird but it's kind of like I'm making love to her right now. I'm just totally calm, confident, present, enjoying myself completely while waiting for next response before making another move.
Never really did that when we were actually together, and the best part is this doesn't feel like any kind of "tactic." It just feels like I'm being more true to me.
Light years beyond the weak and sniveling jealous coward who tried sneaking into her facebook account just a few short weeks ago.
All I can say to anyone who is listening is focus on what you really need, not on what you fear.
And remember there is a difference between our wants and needs. To figure out what you want is easy, just ask "What would I like to have?"
But to figure out what you NEED, ask yourself "What would I like to have DONE?"
Profoundly more effective.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
Might be in danger of projecting and expecting here, but I'll just call it preparation for when the divorce papers arrive.
Can't be sure how I'll feel or what I'm going to do when the papers get here, but there are two things I'm going to jot down here and remember.
1. I am not going to sign anything until I am certain she fully understands my position and the consequences as far as I can see them. I will make sure I present that in a clear, strong, loving and respectful way, before easily and confidently (at least that is how I want it to appear) returning the signed documents and leaving the fate of our marriage in her hands.
2. I know I would never forgive myself if I did not make sure she had fully heard and understood EVERYTHING I had to say, before we shut the door.
Somehow I still feel a need to tell that after 4 years of trying to get what we both want, she is now giving up just two inches from the gold.
Again, when I am in my right mind all of this is speculation and merely mental intrigue - who knows how I'll feel when the papers actually arrive - but I want to be prepared and talking through this in advance certainly seems to help.
If nothing else, it is helping me accept that right now she is still determined to go through with it. Right now I have no real evidence that anything is changed, so I am bowing before God and being totally receptive and accepting of whatever happens next.
Ok. I'll admit it. Sometimes I'm just talking to make myself feel better.
Nothin' wrong with that!
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
