Letting go is hard to do!

[Seminolewind]

I decided to start a new thread. I don't have a clue how to include the old one but most of you know my story.

I am still trying to detatch from my wife. I broke down yesterday and went to my Dr. and got a little help with all the anxiety I have been going through. I can't wait to feel a little better.

I am still dark and she is just as dark, but she did finally contact a couple that we used to hang out with quite a bit. I didn't stop hanging out with them but she hasn't spoken to them since Christmas eve. She just wanted to let them know she got a new number and seeing how they are doing. She told them she was going through a tough time right now. I thought about that for a little bit and thought with the new man in her life I figured everything would be peachy. Maybe I am wrong maybe she does have a feelings of guilt.

I don't know the next move I am supposed to do im my situation but I will stay dark and work on detatching. It's easy for me to get a life because I have many friends and two beautiful daughters.

With her involvement with the other man I don't think anything I do will bring her towards me until the butterflies fizzle out. But I am willing to listen to any suggestions.

[♪CS♪]

With her involvement with the other man I don't think anything I do will bring her towards me until the butterflies fizzle out. But I am willing to listen to any suggestions.

That is the way I am looking at my sitch as well, not sure what else we can do. It is frustrating I know, like we are just waiting, but in the meantime if gives us opportunities to improve ourselves. Time to have some fun!

I know there are mixed feelings about this, one is going dark and hoping they will start to miss you, the other is just being friendly and showing them that you are a great guy. I guess I am working somewhere in the middle. Not initiating any unnecessary conversations, but being pleasant and friendly when we do talk. IDK what else to do.

[grr]

" Not initiating any unnecessary conversations, but being pleasant and friendly when we do talk. IDK what else to do."

fellas, i think that this is the way to go
it keeps the other person guessing, but when they see you they are seeing a strong, confident, good guy

that's what we like

[♪CS♪]

Thanks grr, it always helps to get some reassurance that we are doing the right thing. Tough to know sometimes...

[ninelives]

Thanks GRRRR( added a couple of r's for effect) ,we dont really know how to act. I think most of us want to ignore them but then out of site out of mind right?

I think CS, SW and others in similar sitchs are also confused. The only constant is the confusion if that makes any sense.

Hang in there evrybody. We will feel happy again and the point that SW maks is that we sometimes forget that life isnt exactly peachy for them either. But for the most part, they are the architects of their own misery.

9
BITS

[Seminolewind]

They are their own architects of their own misery. But if you think about this we are as well! I have sat here crying my eyes out over a woman that didn't value the relationship that we have had for 18 years. Why is that? None of us really need our spouse to survive. I feel as if my wife threw me in the trash. Should I respect her for this? I might just be a little upset today but these thoughts have been running through my head.

[Seminolewind]

Day two without any contact! The great thing is that I am going out for supper with the kids tonight. I am excited to see them and can't wait for a great time together.

Detatchment is hard work and I am doing it by the minute. I am going to stay positive and I know that this is the best thing for me!

Hope everyone is doing good today!

[♪CS♪]

Off topic, my dad always used the term 'supper.'. You don't here it a lot anymore, at least not in Cali.

A few years ago I was interested in the term and looked it up, 'food' for thought

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supper?wasRedirected=true

[ninelives]

You know SW, you are right about us also being the architecht of our own misery. Because we are so emotionally attached to the situation, we sometimes forget all the crap they have thrown our way. The PA, the unkind words, the trivialization of our relationships that were supposed to last forever and be something precious.

Yes, there is not a person on here that did not contribute to the demise of the marriage in some way. But once we stop beating ourselves up too much, for the most part these were things that could have been overcome with understanding and work.

I think most of us that once faced with the situation, were more than willing to work on things. But for some reason , they WAW felt it was too little too late.

I do believe that some spouses may fall into that boat as they may have done way too much damage and were not willing to listen at all to their partner but I think the majority of us were.

I am at times starting to value myself and think that I can live without her albeit its not what I wanted but am I going to let somebody else ruin my life and ultimately, the life of my children because I cant seem to get on with my life.

At some point, we have to take the bull by the horns and trully detach and move on and if they decide that they made a mistake and want to come back, then let them earn their way back.

I know , strong words but can we sustaing them. I hope for our sakes as the LBS we can do this and be happy again because as My W has said soooooooo many times. Everybody deserves to be happy ; including the LBS's.

9
BITS

[Seminolewind]

I know we all deserve to be happy and I am willing to do the work to make that happen. The hard part is having the patients getting to that point.

The good thing is I have some great friends and family. I know they are sick of me feeling sorry for myself and they are great at trying to keep her off my mind. Time will heal all wounds. Sometimes you just need to pick yourself up and get on with your life.